In Domestic Violence, Family, Relationships, Restraining Order on January 21, 2015 at 7:06 am
It is my understanding that in California restraining orders can be issued for up to five years, and after that it is the individuals responsibility to renew their restraining order if they still feel that protection is needed.
Hi my name is Blank Blank, and I am a victim of domestic violence. I have suffered many moons living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, AKA my ex-husband, or more intimately known on my blog as my abuser. I had the courage to leave everything… the house that I purchased with my own money, my career, my friends, my doctors, and so much more. As I have said before I took with me only the dearest of treasures, my baby. I have suffered through many days and many nights of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I can check living in a homeless shelter off my bucket list because when I left everything I had to go somewhere. I could probably even check every form of self help group or therapy off that list as well because some were required by my living situation, and let’s just face it some I really needed. I have battled with the difficulties of being a single mother. No one to share in the good, the bad, and the ugly. No child support checks magically showing up on my doorstep. I had to listen to my child as he said, “My Daddy is at work.” He had never seen his daddy, and therefore in his mind he was at work. This was his thought process as a preschooler. At a later date I had to listen once again as he stated, “I have no Daddy.” Hearing these words roll off my sons tongue whispered so many things in my ears. This was a sad reminder of the white picket fence that never was, and the abuse that has forever left an imprint on my heart.
For the past five years I have tried desperately to put the past behind, and tonight I revisit those dark corners in the hopes to maintain my sanity and our safety. I will be filing to renew our restraining order when I’m through battling things in my head.
I would love to hear if any of my readers have words of wisdom on this topic, stories to share, or positive inspirational quotes. My mind is currently a mess, and would love to read some stories of comfort and hope. Thank you for taking the time to read and/or interact with my blog!
In Restraining Order on October 24, 2012 at 8:18 pm
Around October or November this unwanted bill addressed to me, but regarding my Ex began showing up in my mailbox. Three temporary restraining orders in hand I marched down to a certain working establishment to clear the air regarding this bill. It was a $25 charge which was billed due to a no show regarding my Ex. Since then I have been receiving a monthly reminder in the mail. They recognize that the bill is obviously his, but choose to send me a reminder since it’s connected to my account. Every bill, every reminder, every letter is a dreadful reminder of what was once a physically and verbally abusive relationship. It is also a reminder of what I wanted, and what had failed! The management team at the working establishment was kind and understanding, and agreed to wipe the charges from my account.
I then proceeded to take my restraining orders to the library. I had been receiving reminders regarding an overdue book. I specifically checked this book out for my Ex on my library card knowing that he would greatly enjoy it. I was right… in fact he enjoyed this book so much he was hoping I’d steal it by “accidentally” losing it. I guess in the end he choose to do so seeing that it hadn’t been returned to its rightful owner. The library was very understanding of my story and wiped the charges from my account. I was very grateful, and proceeded to donate a couple boxes of books in appreciation.
In Anxiety on October 16, 2012 at 4:11 am
Monday afternoon a black Mustang sits parked behind my car. The driver has been sitting in it for quite some time. It makes me nervous… What if it’s him? What if it’s one of his friends? What if it’s a private detective watching my every move and carrying information back to the enemy. In this case my Ex-husband. I jot down the license plate number just in case, and file it away to possibly reference it at a later date. I hope a day comes soon when I can put this behind me, RELAX, and feel at ease.
In Family on October 10, 2012 at 7:57 pm
Stars fill the night sky, and the air is crisp and cool. I glance behind me suddenly realizing I’m outside alone. Anxiety comes over me, and I suddenly pause. I’m alone, all alone, it is night-time, and I am heading to the vehicle my husband and I once shared together. Unless he misplaced it he still possesses a spare key to the car. What if he’s waiting in the dark shadows of the backseat of the car… a knife or gun in hand waiting for blood to be shed. What if he tampered with my breaks or engine fixing my death to look like an accident. Maybe he attached a bomb to the underside of my car. I think I watch too many movies. Bottom line I still have anxiety and fear. I purposely remove items from my car because the train of thought runs through my head… “What if he breaks into my car while I’m in a store or with a friend? What if I wake up tomorrow and my car is gone altogether?… “
In Family on October 10, 2012 at 5:09 am
“Why do you think he didn’t show?,” asked a friend. He died. That is all that runs through my head. He must be dead, otherwise why wouldn’t he show up at the courthouse that day. Maybe he’s too proud, maybe he’s drunk or coked up somewhere, maybe he already felt he had been defeated, or maybe he’s dead. That is not wishful thinking, but rather a coping mechanism lingering in my head. If death became of him I do not have to fear him. Nor do I have to deal with the issue that maybe he never loved or cared about me. I would no longer have to worry that he would harm our son, manipulate him, or be that Disneyland Dad. I would not have to worry about what to tell our son when he gets older. Should I inform him of our dark history, or should I allow him to pass his own judgement. How far should I go to protect our son from his fathers physical and verbal abuse?
In Restraining Order on October 9, 2012 at 7:16 am
Family court is an interesting place… crowds of people fill the hallway, waiting, anticipating, nervous… some happy, some sad. Ladies fill the women’s restroom just waiting to be the next to paint their face. Tears fill their eyes… maybe they just lost a husband or a child. A story just like mine. It’s interesting that in many rituals you get so dressed up for that one last good-bye. A bon voyage party, a graduation, a funeral, a divorce, and even a restraining order against your husband. Why is it we want to look so beautiful for one last good-bye?
My heart is racing, my hands are shaky, and I anxiously keep looking around and peering over my shoulder to see if he is going to show. He was suppose to appear at 1:45 pm to settle the restraining order, divorce, and custody. Where is he, and what is he thinking? Sitting at a bar knocking back another drink, coked up with some floozy… bottom line he is currently a no show. Funny that he claims to care about his child and want to see his child yet he can’t seem to make it to this court date.
He never showed up at court that day, and because all issues had already been tried once before the judge let us push on without him. The judge granted a five year restraining order to protect myself and our son that day. This is the maximum protection, time frame the court will grant. In addition the judge finalized the mediators recommendations which consisted of my husband having supervised visitation upon completion of an alcohol assessment and a 52 week batterer program. The courts even granted me child support. I was never interested in the money, mostly fear of being tied to him for the next 18 years. It was always about our son’s safety.
Before leaving the courtroom that day the judge spoke to me. She mentioned that she was proud of me for getting out of an abusive relationship, to continue to take the proper steps needed to protect myself and my son, and to start fresh with a new begining. The judge was clearly proud of me. My friends and family were truely proud. I was proud of myself for what I had accomplished that day at the courthouse. I received everything I asked for in court that day. So why did I leave with tears in my eyes? Was I hurt he didn’t show after I was up all evening choosing the perfect outfit, or… That he didn’t care, and no longer loved me? Or that it is the end of this chapter of my life? Many things went through my head at that moment… the romantic moments I shared with him, the physically and verbally abusive nights, where is he at and why didn’t he show up, is he stalking us or are we safe… Although the thought which sticks out most in my head is that this day represents the END of the beautiful dream I hoped to share with my husband, the happy family fantasy, and my white picket fence is no more.