Prego and the Loon

Posts Tagged ‘Relationships’

Revisiting a Restraining Order With Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

In Domestic Violence, Family, Relationships, Restraining Order on January 21, 2015 at 7:06 am

RO 

It is my understanding that in California restraining orders can be issued for up to five years, and after that it is the individuals responsibility to renew their restraining order if they still feel that protection is needed.

Hi my name is Blank Blank, and I am a victim of domestic violence. I have suffered many moons living with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, AKA my ex-husband, or more intimately known on my blog as my abuser. I had the courage to leave everything… the house that I purchased with my own money, my career, my friends, my doctors, and so much more. As I have said before I took with me only the dearest of treasures, my baby. I have suffered through many days and many nights of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). I can check living in a homeless shelter off my bucket list because when I left everything I had to go somewhere. I could probably even check every form of self help group or therapy off that list as well because some were required by my living situation, and let’s just face it some I really needed. I have battled with the difficulties of being a single mother. No one to share in the good, the bad, and the ugly. No child support checks magically showing up on my doorstep. I had to listen to my child as he said, “My Daddy is at work.” He had never seen his daddy, and therefore in his mind he was at work. This was his thought process as a preschooler. At a later date I had to listen once again as he stated, “I have no Daddy.” Hearing these words roll off my sons tongue whispered so many things in my ears. This was a sad reminder of the white picket fence that never was, and the abuse that has forever left an imprint on my heart. 

For the past five years I have tried desperately to put the past behind, and tonight I revisit those dark corners in the hopes to maintain my sanity and our safety. I will be filing to renew our restraining order when I’m through battling things in my head. 

I would love to hear if any of my readers have words of wisdom on this topic, stories to share, or positive inspirational quotes. My mind is currently a mess, and would love to read some stories of comfort and hope. Thank you for taking the time to read and/or interact with my blog!

Wandering Chaos

In Relationships on February 1, 2013 at 6:10 am

31525_20120810_233232_quotes-goodbye

My mind has been wandering for days unable to make sense of the sea of chaos which surrounds my being. I have been adrift. Without anchor or guidance my tormented soul seeks closure. My head locked and bolted that door many moons ago, but my heart is still stumbling along unable to pick up the pieces and move on. Secretly I would like to think that my ex wrote this little number for Bruno Mars, and somewhere out there he is still softly singing it to me!

“When I Was Your Man” -Bruno Mars

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don’t sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby’s dancing
But she’s dancing with another man

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby’s dancing
But she’s dancing with another man

Although it hurts
I’ll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I’m probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man

How does one close the door, heal the heart, and move on to the next chapter in their life? Suggestions needed for my sanity, and the sanity of my friends and followers that may be sailing a similar ship!

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