The Absent Father

Sadly there comes a time in every single mamas moments that your little munchkin will arouse the question, “Where is my daddy?” or if your child is anything like my son he or she might say, “I don’t have a daddy!” Words that physically rip ones heart out and crushes like no other. If you’re like me a statement like this could take you by surprise. At the time my only response was, “…but you have a mommy who loves you very much!” Since then I have done a little bit of reading in hopes to be better prepared the next time I am confronted with such a statement.

In my research and discoveries I have come to the below conclusions. For any child that may present this predicament you need to remain strong and be prepared to respond with an age appropriate answer. Most importantly you want your child (or children) to know that they are loved. You want to provide them with a sense of security and reassurance. I firmly believe that the truth is the best answer, but remember that they are not always asking nor do they need to here the entire story. Again age appropriate! Inform your child how lucky they are to have various male role models in their life. In sum the three most important things to walk away with are to provide an open heart, a sense of security, and an honest story.

Looking for resources on the subject matter you may be interested in:
Raising Boys Without Men by Dr. Peggy Drexler http://www.peggydrexler.com/raisingboys.html
When Dad Hurts Mom by Lundy Bancroft http://www.amazon.com/When-Dad-Hurts-Mom-Witnessing/dp/0425200310

Please keep in mind there are also books available to read to your children:
Do I Have A Daddy? by Jeanne Warren Lindsay http://www.amazon.com/Do-Have-Daddy-Story-Single-Parent/dp/1885356625
Raising You Alone by Warren Hanson http://www.amazon.com/Raising-You-Alone-Warren-Hanson/dp/0972650466/ref=pd_sim_b_1
Love Is A Family by Roma Downey http://www.amazon.com/Love-Is-Family-Roma-Downey/dp/0439444233/ref=pd_sim_b_5

For a mama who is currently dealing with such questions I would love to hear thoughts and suggestions on the subject matter from my readers, and any further resources that may be helpful. Thank you for your love and support! Sincerely, Prego

Should Food Stamps be Accepted at Restaurants?

I awoke this morning to find this image in my Facebook news feed, and LIKED by one of my so-called Facebook friends. This image personally hit home, and I found it to be extremely disturbing. Just to give you a little background information if you haven’t been keeping up with my blog… I am a single mother to one beautiful toddler. I left my ex-husband when my child was just a newborn infant due to domestic violence. In addition I left my career because we worked under the same roof, and I was frightened what may happen if I had stuck around. I currently have a restraining order against him, and fortunately haven’t seen or heard from him in quite sometime. Overall I left everything I had ever worked for and ever known to create a beautiful life for myself and my child. Which brings me to the image above… during that time I applied for food stamps amongst many other government programs to help me get back on my feet. These programs which I had paid into over time were a complete god sent during this time of struggle, rebuild, and restructuring of my life. Government programs such as food stamps helped ease my mind and mental stability, so that I could focus all my time and attention on getting back on my feet. (Side note: Imagine being a first time mother to a newborn baby, dealing with a psycho ex-husband, a restraining order, and trying to get back and your feet)

Now back to the issue at hand: Should food stamps be accepted at restaurants? My personal answer to this question would be YES! Reason number one: Imagine being homeless without kitchen facilities to cook a nice warm meal. Reason number two: Imagine being a single adult living in a shelter without access to cooking facilities. Reason number three: Imagine being a hard working individual trying to raise a family, needing a little break from the stress of daily household chores such as cooking. Have a heart, and put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Many hard working adults are struggling in todays economy. Think before you choose to open up, and speak about something you may know absolutely nothing about! PLEASE provide thoughts and opinions regarding this situation… Do you believe food stamps should be accepted at restaurants?

The Catch 22

Imagine everyday having to relive the same nightmare… racing thoughts fill my head daily as I pass by various landmarks where I shared a random moment with my Ex. Over there on the right was our first date, in that little shopping center was his place of business, one of our favorite restaurants is tucked away over there, the house we once owned, the jail he spent time in, and the courthouse we spent many grueling hours in. Every inch of this city holds a memory. Some good, some bad, and some still to be decided. Everyday I am reminded…

Now for the catch 22… I often think about moving for my sanity, safety, security, and support. The facts regarding the situation: My little one is currently tied to the county. I have a restraining order against my Ex-husband. He is currently MIA (missing in action), and not paying child support. I don’t feel that I will be granted a move away order unless I have a job lined up in another area, but I’m afraid to look for a job because if I find one I don’t have the legal documentation to leave the county with my little one. Furthermore… How do I find, and serve a missing person?

This scenario constantly plays out in my head, and every time I am disappointed with the results. I feel like I am still being abused because I am caught in this crazy catch 22 and unable to escape. If you have any informative knowledge regarding this situation PLEASE help!!!

Change Your Thoughts and You Change Your world

Just sending out a little bit of positive energy to all my followers and friends! Big hugs

Wandering Chaos

My mind has been wandering for days unable to make sense of the sea of chaos which surrounds my being. I have been adrift. Without anchor or guidance my tormented soul seeks closure. My head locked and bolted that door many moons ago, but my heart is still stumbling along unable to pick up the pieces and move on. Secretly I would like to think that my ex wrote this little number for Bruno Mars, and somewhere out there he is still softly singing it to me!

“When I Was Your Man” -Bruno Mars

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don’t sound the same
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby’s dancing
But she’s dancing with another man

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made, ohh…
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like oooooh…
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should have bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should have gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
Take you to every party
Cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby’s dancing
But she’s dancing with another man

Although it hurts
I’ll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I’m probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
But I just want you to know

I hope he buys you flowers
I hope he holds your hand
Give you all his hours
When he has the chance
Take you to every party
Cause I remember how much you loved to dance
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man
Do all the things I should have done
When I was your man

How does one close the door, heal the heart, and move on to the next chapter in their life? Suggestions needed for my sanity, and the sanity of my friends and followers that may be sailing a similar ship!

Big THANKS to all my Followers

Thank you to my family, friends, followers, and other treasured guests that feel my blog is worthy of an award or nomination! I am truly at a loss for words, and unable to clearly express my overflowing gratification. I feel that my story is one that needs to be heard so that others can learn from my mistakes, and possibly comfort those that may already be experiencing a similar tale. I am grateful that so many of you are interested in listening, and feel that my words are worth spreading to those in need. Your kind words, personal stories, and overall support that you share with me on a daily basis warms my heart and keeps my sinking ship afloat… so THANK YOU!

Nominated me for Blog of the Year…
Vagenda Vixen
Seasons of Insanity
I am for Change

Nominated me for The Very Inspiring Blogger Award…
rohan7things
The Eclectic Eccentric Shopaholic
Midway
Chef Randall
Sandbag Heart
Cancer in my Thirties
leazengage
Mysteriously Quiet

Nominated me for The Inspiring Blogger…
The Eclectic Eccentric Shopaholic

Nominated me for the Liebster Award…
Encourage One Another Daily
Life’s Unexpected Blessings
Trance Script

Nominated me for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award…
Paula Mills

Nominated me for the Reality Blog Award…
The Eclectic Eccentric Shopaholic
My Spirit Journey

Nominated me for the Sunshine Award…
Cranky Giraffe

Nominated me for the Blog on Fire Award…
Iridescently

Nominated me for the Versatile Blogger Award…
My Little 3 and Me

Nominated me for the Beautiful Blogger Award…
The Flat Girl

Nominated me for the Wonderful Team Readership Award…
The Kat and the Falling Leaves

Nominated me for the Red Badge of Courage Award…
Pondering Spawned

Please note that although I do realize there are a number of rules to each award I am currently unable to follow through. When my head clears, and time permits I plan to finish what I started here, but until then… please know that you are loved, respected, and brightened my day in more ways than one! Thank you!!

Ten Reasons Single Mommyhood Rocks

Growing up as a little girl I often dreamed about meeting Mr. Right, falling madly in love, getting married, and living happily ever after with hubby, our two and a half kids, and our white picket fence. Somewhere along the way this dream was definitely misinterpreted and… I fell madly in love with Mr. Wrong, got married, got a restraining order, got divorced, and ran fast in the opposite direction toward a shelter with my only child. In short this is not the reality I once envisioned as a little girl. Therefore every once in awhile I find myself in a mommy funk, and I need a little reminder that single mommyhood rocks!

Below I have created a top ten list to remind myself, and other single parents the benefits of parenting alone.

1) You and you alone have the power to make all the decisions in your household.

2) You play both parental roles, therefore you officially get to celebrate two holidays in your honor… Mothers Day and Fathers Day.

3) Your answer is the final answer in your household.

4) Assuming you’re an amazing parent you get to soak up all the love and affection that pours out of your little one.

5) You get to raise your child as you please.

6) You are the one that will be there for each of your child’s firsts… Example: First day of school, followed by his or her reaction.

7) You get to introduce your child to your fashion sense and interests.

8) You get to snuggle up with your little one every night if you please and watch a movie together.

9) You awake most mornings to a little arm around you, followed by a little voice saying, “I love you mommy (or daddy).”

10) You are the one that your child will most likely run to when he or she is in need of loving arms!

Just a little reminder to all you single mommies or daddies out there… “It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.”

Please help support single parents in the blogosphere by adding an additional reason why single parenting ROCKS! Let’s see how many reasons we can list as a collective group.

An Old Playlist Recorded Each Moment

You know that moment when that special song comes on the radio and your eyes light up, you turn the music up a little louder, and you enjoy as it takes you to that magical place in time. Suddenly your walking on air as countless memories flood your system. You know the lyrics by heart, and you are singing at the top of your lungs as if you were the only person in the room. If you’re driving along in your car your fingers begin tapping, and you may even start moving your head to the beat. Although if you’re out of the car you are rocking. You have a big smile, and are carelessly dancing around the room. You are happy!

Unfortunately life doesn’t always paint a pretty picture, and sometimes you are reminded of heartbreaking moments. You may want to crawl in bed and pull the covers up over your head. An endless stream of tears may run down your face, and you may choose to cry yourself to sleep that night. If you’re in the car you may choose to change the radio station. In a flash music can trigger an unwanted reaction that you may not be ready for.

When you spend X amount of time with a significant other you typically walk away from the relationship with a handful of songs that have some memory tied to them. Unfortunately even if they were happy memories at the time they may now have a sour feeling attached to them.

My Ex and I have a special song that we called “our” song. We have a song that was playing the moment he asked to marry me. We have songs that were played at our wedding, and others we use to dance to home alone in our family room. We have special playlists we made together, and one specifically for our wedding. His favorite band is glued to my memory bank… as well as a popular movie score artist. Sadly we even have a make up song, and it pulls at my heart-strings every time I quietly listen to the lyrics. Each of these songs trigger a painful story buried deep beneath the surface. We shared a life together, and a playlist that recorded each moment we spent with one another.

A few years have passed, and I am slowly moving on. Many things have helped me through this emotionally draining process. I strongly believe that you should surround yourself with positive energy to create the perfect atmosphere for healing. Exercise to release endorphins, increase energy, elevate your mood, and boost your self-confidence with a fabulous new you. I highly recommend reading in the form of self-help books. Support groups are an excellent source of free therapy and support. In addition they offer a safe place to vent your frustrations with possible needed advice. If you are not interested in pouring your heart out to a group of complete strangers I recommend seeing just one, a therapist. Maintaining balance within your life during these trying times can be very beneficial. For example: work hard, play hard! Small realistic goals can help build a positive self-image, and provide you with a sense of accomplishment. Physical contact in the form of massages and hugs are always a good thing! Finally I believe that giving back is a big bold neon sign that screams your on the road to recovery. Please keep in mind that healing is a process. It takes time and a little bit of work on your part. Although it is well worth the effort when you find the amazing new you still able to enjoy the old playlists.

Please SHARE one sentimental song good or bad that holds some form of value in your heart! Then let’s join forces, and create a new playlist with a positive twist… What song would you put on your happy inspirational playlist, and why?

Self Esteem and DV

Let’s talk self esteem, and the role it plays in domestic violence. Personally I believe it is one of the top 10 reasons people stay in an abusive relationship. However there has been some dispute, and I am curious how other individuals feel in regards to this topic. I highly agree with what Bennyd10 has stated here, and here alone “I do believe that in an abusive relationship the abuser belittles and demeans the victim and that can create low self esteem.” Although I also think that she fails to recoginze that prior to being in an absive relationship we (the so called victims) were individuals. We stood alone, we acted alone, and yes we even made choices on our own. Typically prior to being in an abusive relationship a vicitim already has low self esteem. The abuser rushes in and sweeps the victim off their feet showering them with love and affection. They tend to be over the top… overly charming, overly romantic, and overly caring in a very obsessive manner. For example I came home from work one day, and walked into a sea of beautifully lit tea candles. My first instinct was Oooo Ahhh WOW how incredibly romantic. I am one LUCKY girl! Although my secondary reaction consisted of racing thoughts that our house was going to catch fire and burn to the ground. I frantically ran around blowing out candles. Point being that the abuser catches us when our self esteem is already at a low, and they know exactly how to wiggle their way into our world.

If you are a victim of domestic violence… please help me wrap my head around this issue, and voice where you stand in regards to this topic!

Prego Project “Like” Support “Reblog”

Prego Project is a voicing violence award to provide support and strength to victims of domestic violence and those affected by it. I want to recognize those willing to speak up and discuss personal stories of domestic violence accounts. In an abusive relationship there is often a lot of crazy making, and over time you tend to feel that your voice means very little to the world around you. Sadly there are two things that showered me with a bit of sunshine, and helped me regain my voice… or actually make me feel validated. I say sadly because one was receiving my restraining order against my ex-husband. The second was receiving a certificate stamped and signed by the California State Secretary recognizing my situation and accepting me into the Safe at Home program. For those of you who are not aware the Safe at Home program, is “an address confidentiality program administered by the California Secretary of State’s office that offers victims anonymity and a new start towards a brighter future free from fear. Safe at Home participants can use a free P.O. Box instead of their home address to help them maintain their privacy when receiving first-class mail, opening a bank account, completing a confidential name change, filling out government documents, registering to vote, getting a driver’s license, enrolling a child in school, and more.”

That being said… The purpose of this award is to provide positive feedback and recognition to individuals affected by domestic violence. I want people to understand that their voice matters. Domestic violence is an issue effecting individuals and our community. Every time someone chooses to speak up they are not only helping themselves, but they are also improving the lives of our community. As a community we can incorporate domestic violence education into our regular curriculum within the schooling system… If it is not already in place. We can do ongoing presentations providing awareness on the subject matter. We can ban together to enforce stricter laws in regards to this topic. For example: The victim can’t bail their abuser out of jail. Unfortunately many are guilty of this one, including myself. We could sell products, and have a portion of the proceeds benefit those affected by domestic violence. Together we can make a change for a brighter future!

You know the old saying “A photograph is worth a thousand words?” I tried to put the same thought and consideration into designing my award. I used various shades of purple to symbolize domestic violence awareness. I placed a key within the person because I believe you hold the key to your future. The heart is purposely placed within the key as a symbol of protection and value. Together these symbols create the Prego Project Award. A treasured symbol which will be handed out to strong, beautiful men and women who choose to share their stories of abuse. There is strength in numbers, a sense of support in community, and comfort in knowing that there is hope for the future… remember you hold the key!!

PREGO PROJECT RULES

1. Kindly thank the person who nominated you, and provide a link back to their blog.
2. Attach the Prego Project Award presented by Prego and the Loon to your site.
3. Provide a bit of hope and inspiration for those currently dealing with domestic violence.
4. Nominate some other bloggers whom you feel deserve this award!

MY VERY FIRST NOMINEES FOR THIS AWARD

(The top 10 listed below have discussed domestic violence in their blog)
Purposefully Scarred
Janice Romney
Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence
purplecrazymum’s Blog
Sustainably Single Parenting
Not Your Victim
Anti-Violence Advocate
Lavenderskye ~ Violence = Death
littlesparrow12’s Blog
anewfreelife

(The top 20 listed below have shared personal stories of strength and hope within my blog… A BIG thanks!!)
Paula Marie Mills
Cheko.Ripper
Cranky Giraffe
Kathy’s Blog: Healing from the Loss of a Parent
Ask Tina
Zcreed
My Window
What a Beautiful Mess
Polysyllabic Profundities
Recipehog’s Blog
maitairubysue
Josh James’ Blog
Desert Willow Lane
Wake Up and Unite
Dear Idiopathic Hirsutism: Go. To. Hell.
My Family Bliss
Wild In Virginia
alesiablogs
A Foot in Two Canoes
joeccombs2nd

Please note that I recently changed a small portion of the award. I am no longer calling it the Victims Voice Award, but rather a voicing violence award. I made these changes because many people from various walks of life wrote to me and expressed how domestic violence impacted their lives. The men and women I have choosen to be my first nominees for the Prego Project Award reached out to me in some form and touched my heart. Victims, family members, friends, doctors, nurses, policemen, prosecutors, and even an abuser wrote to me. Please keep in mind that all of your stories have somehow impacted me, and I will continue to pass out more awards. A big thank you to all my friends and followers who took the time to read my blog!! You have provided me (and my followers) with strength, support, and hope for the future by sharing your personal stories!! Everyone has something to share, and somewhere out there someone needs to hear it. Join the fight against domestic violence, and speak out on behalf of the millions who are currently silenced in the clutches of their abuser!!