Prego and the Loon

Posts Tagged ‘Blogging’

TOP 10 Reasons People Stay in an Abusive Relationship

In Family on November 28, 2012 at 5:57 am

1) Low self-esteem… I presented low self esteem as number one because your fate begins with yourself and how you choose to see yourself. The choices you make, the character you display, and the the path you walk along are all a reflection of how you feel about yourself and what you think you deserve in life. If you want to be happy then take it because it’s yours to have. If you want a loving relationship then start by loving yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Anything you dream of or desire is all within arms reach. Create the reality you deserve!

2) Normality… Upbringing plays a big role in the area of normality. Some people find themselves in an abusive relationship because it is familiar, possibly even somewhat comfortable for them. It tends to mirror the household they might have been raised in. You can’t pick your family, but you can choose the amount of time you wish to spend with them. No one derserves abuse, and you can choose to break the cycle of violence for you and your children.

3) Shelter… If I leave him where will I go?

4) Pride… Some ladies have told me that they remained in an abusive relationship because they did not want to look or feel like a failure. Just remember that if you choose to remain in an abusive relationship the only thing your friends and family will be looking at is a coffin with your name on it!

5) Financial Status… We get married, we merge bank accounts, and now we are financially tied. When money enters the picture anything is possible for better or worse. No financial display of affection is worth putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

6) Family ties… I am a BIG believer in family… family time, family fun, family reunions, and overall family togetherness. On another note I would like to say that I don’t believe in divorce, but sometimes life experiences test your values and your viewpoint on a matter may shift. When children are involved in a domestic violence situation I personally feel it is a no brainer… SAVE the babies!!

7) Denial… Some people are not ready to admit to themselves and those around them the truth or reality of the situation. Once a problem is truly recognized people then feel obligated to follow through, and do something about it. Many people are not ready to move in that direction. In fact they could still be in shock and awe from the overall situation. Domestic violence is a lot to swallow, and it doesn’t just occur over night. Remember victims fell in love with their abuser for a reason.

8) Religion… I am no expert on religion, but many ladies have told me that they stayed in an abusive relationship due to their religion.

9) Love… I fell in LOVE with my Ex husband for many reasons, and it was extremely difficult to walk away. He wasn’t always evil, and still to this day I do believe he’s not all bad. Unfortunately a few wires crossed over time. Hurtful words were expressed, and angry fists of rage displayed on more than one occasion.

10) Fear… Walking away from a man or woman you love or once loved is the hardest thing in the world. Fear of the unknown is even scarier. Many thoughts ran through my head during the process of leaving… Where will I live? What will I do for work? How will I provide for myself and my child? How will I afford daycare? Will I be safe? Will more harm come to me if I leave? How will things play out? Frankly I don’t know the answers to these questions. I do know that if you choose to stay you are enabling your significant other, and I imagine more harm will come to you.

The web we weave…

If you are in an abusive relationship why do you choose to stay? If you ever have been in an abusive relationship, and chose to leave… what was the reasoning? We have choices in this world, and some are easier than others. Whatever your reasons are, and your choices may be… remember that it is you that has to live with your decisions. So choose wisely for yourself and possibly your children… and remember, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.” -Semisonic

TOP 10 List of BIG Thanks

In Life on November 24, 2012 at 5:36 am


(I couldn’t resist posting this e-card, LOL!)

A BIG thanks to…

1) ME, yes ME… because I had the strength and courage to leave an abusive situation for myself and my son.
2) My family and friends… without their love and support I couldn’t have gotten through these past few years.
3) Support groups, and more specifically I’d like to thank Al-Anon and my domestic violence women’s group. They accepted me at my deepest, darkest, and depressing moments. These groups provided love and support. They provided an ear to listen, and hope for a brighter tomorrow.
4) Shelters and homeless programs… I would specifically like to thank one that provided me shelter, and helped me get back on my feet. Unfortunately I don’t want to plaster their name in big lights with fearful thoughts that my abuser might come across this website, put the pieces together, and eventually lead back to me. Places such as these give individuals and families a second chance at a brighter future.
5) Government programs… you never know what cards you might be dealt in the game of life. Sometimes a chain of unfortunate events occur, and you are beyond thankful that these programs exist.
6) Food in my belly… again a BIG thanks to all the programs that help in that area, and provide an extra boost to individuals and families in need.
7) A roof over my head, and affordable housing programs that help provide me with the extra boost I need to create a warm friendly environment for myself and my son.
8) Mother Earth and all her beauty… without her love and affection we could not exist! Therefore tread lightly… reduce, reuse, and recycle!
9) My beautiful baby who provides me with smiles, giggles, and strength to get me through each and everyday.
10) Technology, internet, and all my fabulous followers (friends)… A BIG thanks for listening to my story, and providing your support and suggestions along the way. You truly MEAN THE WORLD to me! I HOPE you will pass along my message in hopes to help someone in need… Thank you

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

In Awards on November 21, 2012 at 6:48 am

“They” often say that if you want something you should eat it, think it, and make it happen throughout each waking day. Spread your message to the world around you in hopes that someone may be listening. I want the world to know what it is like to be in an abusive relationship, why it is difficult to get out, the emotional wreckage left behind, and eventually how to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue with grace and beauty… I’m still working on that one, LOL! The more we as a society choose to speak up, the better understanding we’ll have of domestic violence. Which hopefully in turn our education will bring forth a brighter tomorrow with little to ZERO violence.

That being said… I am greatly honored that Seasons of Insanity nominated me for Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award. I’m also excited to hear that he will be publishing the Zombie Journals, and I hope that he will follow up with a post regarding the process of putting things into production… because I too hope to someday publish my work and spread awareness. A BIG thanks, one bear hug, and remember my friendship is just a blog away!!

The rules for receiving this award are as follows.

1. Provide a link and thank the blogger who nominated you for this award.
2. Answer 10 questions.
3. Nominate 10-12 blogs that you find a joy to read.
4. Provide links to these nominated blogs and kindly let the recipients know that they have been nominated.
5. Include the award logo within your blog post.

The Questions to be answered

1. Your favorite color – Purple
2. Your favorite animal – My favorite domesticated animal is a dog. Otherwise I love seeing the big cats at the zoo.
3. Your favorite non-alcoholic drink – Fresh squeezed anything or a chocolate shake
4. Facebook or Twitter – Facebook
5. Your favorite pattern – I love vintage black and white patterns, such as French Toile
6. Do you prefer getting or giving presents? – Both are exciting, especially if you pick the perfect gift for someone else.
7. Your favorite number? – I can’t even pretend to like one individual number.
8. Your favorite day of the week? – Friday or Saturday
9. Your favorite flower? – An enchanted stroll through a Japanese cherry blossom garden.
10. What is your passion? Outdoor activities, creative anything, and yummy asian food!

… and in no specific order the nominees are:

Recipehog’s Blog http://recipehogblog.wordpress.com/
Tina Wiebe Photography http://tinawiebephotography.com/
Paula Mills http://paulamariemills.wordpress.com/
Desire to Dream http://desiretodream.wordpress.com/
Michelle at Play http://michelleatplay.wordpress.com/
Day in the Life… http://kathrynlowe.wordpress.com/
Butter Love Affair http://butterloveaffair.wordpress.com/
Appropriately Frayed http://appropriatelyfrayed.wordpress.com/
The Smithocracy http://smithocracy.com/
Travel.Garden.Eat http://travelgardeneat.com/

Can You Eat Your Way To Happiness?

In Life on November 18, 2012 at 8:13 am

feelings

The fast food drive thru (especially my yummy shake) saved me from myself, and my screaming child who was driving me nuts today. Food is currently my treasured lover, and shopping my new best friend. Alone at night I find that I stuff my face to comfort myself, and I shop to feel beautiful. Lately my self esteem is so low, and my single mommy frustration is sky rocketing. Sporadic uncontrollable tears are dropping like loose time bombs. My heart is like a sinking ship at the thought of happily married couples, beautiful pregnancies, and cheery baby showers. Each is a painful reminder of the past, and the fantasy I envisioned yet never had. It is also a dreadful reminder of an unforeseen future. I don’t see a role model husband (or any for that matter), a father figure for my child, or the family I created in my reality. I feel like I’m stuck in a catch 22… I want to get out and meet some new people, but a babysitter is expensive and I’m broke. In addition to my financial standing I have a difficult time trusting others with my child due to circumstances regarding the abusive Ex. The few times I have escaped for a mommy night out I often end up feeling lost and out of place. I don’t feel like this everyday, but these thoughts constantly run the treadmill through my head. Any thoughts or suggestions on how I can break free from this cycle of emotional eating and shopping?

Inspiring Blogger Award

In Awards on November 15, 2012 at 7:37 am

The leaves were changing colors to various hues of red, orange, and yellow. The air was crisp, and the month was October. It was exactly three years ago that I called the police, packed one single bag for my infant child and I, and escaped the clutches of my ex-husband. Ironically I left during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and strangely I began writing this blog during the month of October. For me this is a form of therapy that helps me share, reflect, and try to put things behind me with the love and support of those around me (including my fabulous blogger friends!!) I also share my personal stories in hopes to educate others on domestic violence, and provide support for those who have survived the wreckage of an abusive relationship. I never imagined that a short month or two later I would be nominated for an Inspiring Blogger Award.

I would like to give a big thank you to Jo and Aaron at http://overtheedgeofthewild.wordpress.com/ Their blog is titled Over The Edge Of The wild, and each post unfolds a chapter of Jo and Aaron’s adventures around the world. I am currently living vicariously through this couple, and I am enjoying every twist and turn they take me on. Thanks again… this nomination means the world to me, and my efforts to fight domestic violence!!

The way the award works is that I now have to provide seven random facts about myself, and then nominate seven other blogs for the award. This first part is all about ME!

1) My fondest childhood memories took place at the wooden park, and catching tadpoles at the nearby creek.
2) I absolutely LOVE Shel Silverstein, and to this day I can still recite his poem Sick.
3) I LOVE animals so much that I decided to keep a mouse in my junior high school locker when my mum said “NO!”
4) Upon first meeting me I may come across as a very shy individual, but out on the dance floor I will prove otherwise.
5) I am a hopeless romantic that still treasures love letters from my high school sweetheart.
6) I have jumped out of a perfectly good airplane, and I would do it again!
7) I HOPE that you will click “Like” and Reblog to help educate others about domestic violence, spread awareness, and provide support!

In no particular order my nominations go to:

1) http://abuseandaddictions.wordpress.com/
2) http://notsosexinthecity.wordpress.com/
3) http://mountaincowardadventures.wordpress.com/
4) http://imnotdepressed.wordpress.com/
5) http://fitbellies.com.au/
6) http://jayjaysfavorites.wordpress.com/
7) http://purposefullyscarred.wordpress.com/

I included one blog for good luck! It appears that Lift Up Your Voice Speak Out is in the beginning phases of production. I wanted to offer my support and personal stories as HOPE for a brighter tomorrow.
*) http://liftupyourvoicespeakout.wordpress.com/

To “LIKE” or Not to “LIKE?”

In Blogging on November 11, 2012 at 4:37 pm

To “Like” is to respect and validate.

In today’s society people’s personal stories, viewpoints, and actual facts are just a click away. I like to think that if someone is going to use their free time to create a post then it is obviously important at least to that individual. Everyday people pour their heart and souls out to random individuals online hoping to turn a few heads, and arouse a bit of attention. Maybe their post is positive, maybe it is negative, maybe it is factual, maybe it is fictional, and maybe it’s pure advertisement sometimes referred to as spam. Either way there is a person behind the blog driving it forward in hopes to spread some form of awareness.

Now I bring this to your attention because myself, and others often wonder should I click the “like” button. Sometimes a mental battle may go through one’s head sounding something like this, “I don’t like what happened to this individual, but I love the way he or she writes.” Another example may look like, “I don’t like this bit of news that is being brought to my attention, but I’m happy that there is someone out there that is informing me.” My list could go on and on, but I think you get the point.

Personally I believe:

The “like” button is a symbol of support.
The “like” button is letting the writer know that you have encountered their blog.
The “like” button allows the author to know that you have read their blog.
The “like” button let’s people know that overall you like what this post offers.
The “like” button is a symbol of one vote.

These are just a few thoughts, and personal opinions regarding the topic. It’s often something that runs through my head, and I know a few readers have also brought it to my attention. I spend a lot of free time pouring my heart into this blog in hopes to bring awareness so that no other man or woman should experience what I have experienced. In my opinion each “like” is a symbol of support. Each “like” brings hope and awareness to other men or women that may be experiencing similar difficulties. Each “like” is one vote for a brighter tomorrow, and a world without abusive relationships. Click “like” to help fight domestic violence. So my question to you is when do you feel it is appropriate to click the like button?

What Does the Kool-Aid Guy, Jack Torrance, and My Ex Have in Common?

In Abusive Acts on November 8, 2012 at 5:11 am

Flashbacks… I raced into our bedroom. My Ex trailing close behind. My heart pounding faster with each step. My mind focused purely on the moment at hand, SURVIVAL for myself and my unborn child. I slammed the door seconds from missing his hand, and I was able to lock the door just in time. I sat quivering, afraid to move, and unable to breathe. My Ex was banging on the door trying to get in. I thought I was safe. The door was locked. The pounding continued, and the next portion of my story was truly surreal. Imagine the big red round Kool-Aid guy jumping through my door screaming “Oh yeah.” Now envision Jack Nicholson in Stanley Kubricks movie The Shining breaking down the door with an axe, peaking his head through, and screaming “Here’s Johnny.” My Ex did not have an axe. Nor was he big, red, and round. He was drunk, enraged, and abusive. At that moment a portion of that door came crashing down, and I was trapped.

Reading May SAVE Your Life

In Self Help on October 29, 2012 at 4:16 am

This is my personal TOP 5 list of books to educate yourself on the topic of domestic violence, and help you to recover from the situation. Personally I would read them in the order listed below, although depending on where you’re at in the cycle you may choose to start elsewhere.

1) Why Does He Do That? by: Lundy Bancroft
As the cover further states this book takes you “Inside the minds of angry and controlling men” A well written book from an actual counselor who specializes in working with abusive men. This book educates you on how to improve, survive, or leave an abusive relationship. I have often heard this book referred to as The BIBLE.

2) Safe And Unfound Escaping Your Abuser by: J.E. Taylor
This book is an excellent go to resource guide of everything you may need to know to escape and move on with your life.

3) The Gift Of Fear by: Gavin De Becker
The front cover further states “This book can save your life… and other survival signals that protect us from violence” Reading this empowering book may help you recognize the subtle signs of danger before it’s too late.

4) Codependent No More by: Melody Beattie
I read this book shortly after I left my Ex, and it helped me to rebuild my boundaries and move on with my life.

5) Courage To Change by: Al-Anon Family Groups
“The Al-Anon Family Groups are a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems.”

These books truly helped me, and I am grateful to the various ladies that introduced them to me over time. I am also aware that there are many other books out there on the subject matter, and myself and I imagine my readers would love to hear further suggestions regarding this topic. Provide your thoughts and opinions, and you will be helping someone somewhere!

Cliques, Questions, and a Punch in The Face

In Family on October 25, 2012 at 10:36 pm

Every Clique or individual has their top 10 questions that they ask someone they recently meet. For example sports fans might ask other like parties… “What’s your favorite team?” or “Did you see the game last night on television?” New mommies have a similar set of questions, and amongst those questions is my favorite… “Are you planning on having another child?” I imagine this is every single mommies least favorite question. When I am personally approached with this question many thoughts race through my head… “Yes I plan on having a few more with the husband who I recently divorced.” “Yes I plan on having random sex with a stranger in the near future.” “Yes I will be having artificial insemination, thanks for asking… oh and does your husband want to donate?” I realized these ladies asking may not be aware of my current status, or even how this question may affect me… so I’m going to fill you in. If you want to punch me in the face, or feel like ripping my heart right out of my chest then ask me this one question. This question is a reminder of what once was, and what could have been my happily ever after. Any thoughts or opinions regarding this topic?

Simple Things, Dreadful Reminders

In Restraining Order on October 24, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Around October or November this unwanted bill addressed to me, but regarding my Ex began showing up in my mailbox. Three temporary restraining orders in hand I marched down to a certain working establishment to clear the air regarding this bill. It was a $25 charge which was billed due to a no show regarding my Ex. Since then I have been receiving a monthly reminder in the mail. They recognize that the bill is obviously his, but choose to send me a reminder since it’s connected to my account. Every bill, every reminder, every letter is a dreadful reminder of what was once a physically and verbally abusive relationship. It is also a reminder of what I wanted, and what had failed! The management team at the working establishment was kind and understanding, and agreed to wipe the charges from my account.

I then proceeded to take my restraining orders to the library. I had been receiving reminders regarding an overdue book. I specifically checked this book out for my Ex on my library card knowing that he would greatly enjoy it. I was right… in fact he enjoyed this book so much he was hoping I’d steal it by “accidentally” losing it. I guess in the end he choose to do so seeing that it hadn’t been returned to its rightful owner. The library was very understanding of my story and wiped the charges from my account. I was very grateful, and proceeded to donate a couple boxes of books in appreciation.