Prego and the Loon

Posts Tagged ‘Anxiety’

What Does the Kool-Aid Guy, Jack Torrance, and My Ex Have in Common?

In Abusive Acts on November 8, 2012 at 5:11 am

Flashbacks… I raced into our bedroom. My Ex trailing close behind. My heart pounding faster with each step. My mind focused purely on the moment at hand, SURVIVAL for myself and my unborn child. I slammed the door seconds from missing his hand, and I was able to lock the door just in time. I sat quivering, afraid to move, and unable to breathe. My Ex was banging on the door trying to get in. I thought I was safe. The door was locked. The pounding continued, and the next portion of my story was truly surreal. Imagine the big red round Kool-Aid guy jumping through my door screaming “Oh yeah.” Now envision Jack Nicholson in Stanley Kubricks movie The Shining breaking down the door with an axe, peaking his head through, and screaming “Here’s Johnny.” My Ex did not have an axe. Nor was he big, red, and round. He was drunk, enraged, and abusive. At that moment a portion of that door came crashing down, and I was trapped.

Carrying Info Back to the Enemy

In Anxiety on October 16, 2012 at 4:11 am

Monday afternoon a black Mustang sits parked behind my car. The driver has been sitting in it for quite some time. It makes me nervous… What if it’s him? What if it’s one of his friends? What if it’s a private detective watching my every move and carrying information back to the enemy. In this case my Ex-husband. I jot down the license plate number just in case, and file it away to possibly reference it at a later date. I hope a day comes soon when I can put this behind me, RELAX, and feel at ease.

Lurking in the Shadows, Accidental Death

In Family on October 10, 2012 at 7:57 pm

Stars fill the night sky, and the air is crisp and cool. I glance behind me suddenly realizing I’m outside alone. Anxiety comes over me, and I suddenly pause. I’m alone, all alone, it is night-time, and I am heading to the vehicle my husband and I once shared together. Unless he misplaced it he still possesses a spare key to the car. What if he’s waiting in the dark shadows of the backseat of the car… a knife or gun in hand waiting for blood to be shed. What if he tampered with my breaks or engine fixing my death to look like an accident. Maybe he attached a bomb to the underside of my car. I think I watch too many movies. Bottom line I still have anxiety and fear. I purposely remove items from my car because the train of thought runs through my head… “What if he breaks into my car while I’m in a store or with a friend? What if I wake up tomorrow and my car is gone altogether?… “