You know that moment when that special song comes on the radio and your eyes light up, you turn the music up a little louder, and you enjoy as it takes you to that magical place in time. Suddenly your walking on air as countless memories flood your system. You know the lyrics by heart, and you are singing at the top of your lungs as if you were the only person in the room. If you’re driving along in your car your fingers begin tapping, and you may even start moving your head to the beat. Although if you’re out of the car you are rocking. You have a big smile, and are carelessly dancing around the room. You are happy!
Unfortunately life doesn’t always paint a pretty picture, and sometimes you are reminded of heartbreaking moments. You may want to crawl in bed and pull the covers up over your head. An endless stream of tears may run down your face, and you may choose to cry yourself to sleep that night. If you’re in the car you may choose to change the radio station. In a flash music can trigger an unwanted reaction that you may not be ready for.
When you spend X amount of time with a significant other you typically walk away from the relationship with a handful of songs that have some memory tied to them. Unfortunately even if they were happy memories at the time they may now have a sour feeling attached to them.
My Ex and I have a special song that we called “our” song. We have a song that was playing the moment he asked to marry me. We have songs that were played at our wedding, and others we use to dance to home alone in our family room. We have special playlists we made together, and one specifically for our wedding. His favorite band is glued to my memory bank… as well as a popular movie score artist. Sadly we even have a make up song, and it pulls at my heart-strings every time I quietly listen to the lyrics. Each of these songs trigger a painful story buried deep beneath the surface. We shared a life together, and a playlist that recorded each moment we spent with one another.
A few years have passed, and I am slowly moving on. Many things have helped me through this emotionally draining process. I strongly believe that you should surround yourself with positive energy to create the perfect atmosphere for healing. Exercise to release endorphins, increase energy, elevate your mood, and boost your self-confidence with a fabulous new you. I highly recommend reading in the form of self-help books. Support groups are an excellent source of free therapy and support. In addition they offer a safe place to vent your frustrations with possible needed advice. If you are not interested in pouring your heart out to a group of complete strangers I recommend seeing just one, a therapist. Maintaining balance within your life during these trying times can be very beneficial. For example: work hard, play hard! Small realistic goals can help build a positive self-image, and provide you with a sense of accomplishment. Physical contact in the form of massages and hugs are always a good thing! Finally I believe that giving back is a big bold neon sign that screams your on the road to recovery. Please keep in mind that healing is a process. It takes time and a little bit of work on your part. Although it is well worth the effort when you find the amazing new you still able to enjoy the old playlists.
Please SHARE one sentimental song good or bad that holds some form of value in your heart! Then let’s join forces, and create a new playlist with a positive twist… What song would you put on your happy inspirational playlist, and why?
Prego and the Loon 
My marriage ended under very different circumstances than yours. But there are many songs that to this day range anywhere from bittersweet to outright painful. Being a musician doesn’t help.
I do try to keep busy. You’re right: that helps.
-Connie
kibogoji has nominated you for the Liebster award. Go to http://kibogoji.com/2012/12/22/kibogoji-liebster-award-nominee/ to access the award. Keep on writing!
Great post very insightful. I hope you can put your life back together for yourself and your child. I am blessed to have a loving husband and 2 great sons. Good things come to good people so someday you will find the right person to share your life with.
Does that mean previously I was a bad person that deserved bad things (abuse)… or does that mean I’m a good person and its taking a long time for my good things to arrive?
Nice post, I certainly feel your pain. These same experiences still haunt me 30 years on. The sense of loss has never fully left me. Be well.
Great post!
I’d have to think long and hard, but one that comes to mind is Sunday Morning by Maroon5. Incredible sentimental value – one of the first songs I performed with my former band. the song brings back all the memories of us goofing off in the band room, practicing for up-coming gigs, brings back memories of the gigs itself. In short, brings me back to a very happy time.
As for playlists, I love creating them. One I’d put in my ‘Good Vibes’ playlist would be Young Blood by The Naked & Famous. Musically, it’s just a happy song 🙂
I completely understand, I have songs that invoke good memories as well as the bad. Since my the breakdown of my relationship and my rebuilding from alcohol addiction (the cause of the break up) I listen only to music that inspires, I always post a song with my posts (except with poetry) I have a page listing each one (although it needs updating), take a look you may add one or two to your own playlist.
Wayne
Each time I read your post I think–of course she’s right. That’s true. Yes, that relates. Yep, that too. I’m not a victim of spousal abuse but of child abuse. A song that immediately comes to mind is ‘Leaving On A Jet Plane.’ Thanks for another beautiful post.
This one still makes me cry right now … so I stopped it after 1 minute and I will wait to listen till I’m completely alone …
The power of music as old as 350 years …
There are many very good contemporary versions too …
Everybody Hurts by REM strangely comforts and has me in tears simultaneously.
Music is indeed powerful and can take us on a wave of emotions and memories both sad and happy which you summed up well. I have a number of songs that help remind me to stay positive if my self esteem needs a boost or my mindset needs to be put in the right place. I know you said one song but I’m listing 3 since there is magic in 3 right?
Believe by Lenny Kravitz- A mellow song reminding us to “believe in ourself if we want to be free”
These Times by Safetysuit- I guess this could be a tiny bit on the sad side but the soaring chorus has an uplifting message and sound. ” I’m telling you these times are hard. But they will pass,These times will try hard to define me. But I will hold my head up high”
Finally I like to finish it off with a hard rock song that gets my energy going. “Melt Me Down” by Pressure 4-5. Basically this song is about being prisoners of our own mind and the expectations of the society around us. “I will not become molded. Allowed by myself to be nothing”
I guess the common theme here is we must have power over our own mind and thoughts and not the other way around. Otherwise our negative thoughts and emotions can imprison our positive energy in our minds. Its okay for us to reflect on the past as hard times can be a source of strength knowing that we are still here and kicking and stronger for it! But the key and difficult part is not to dwell on it and these songs help remind us not to be defeated and that good times are around the corner if we just believe in ourselves.
Hope you and your readers get something out of these songs!
It’s a bit on the schmalzy side, but “You Bring Me Joy” by Anita Baker is a longtime favorite and brings to mind a very happy, single time in my life. Perfect bubble bath and self-care song.
I love ‘Feeling Good’ (Nina Simone version). It reminds me of the excitement of new beginnings and fresh starts. A song for when you are feeling optimistic.
Nina Simone’s version of ‘Feeling Good’ is one of my favourites too. Or Gorillaz’s ”Feel Good Inc.’ How can you remain in a funk when you hear either of these songs?
In the Davinci Code, when the albino monk shoots Jacques Saunier who is now in terrible pain, he said “Pain Is Good.” It is a cruel comment from a psychopathic killer. But, in looking back on life, there can be truth in this saying when applied to painful events that do not kill you. My wife is much more “spiritual’ then I, my friends believe. I was not sure what that meant long ago. However, in times when I was feeling “pain” she did not, because of her faith in God. She just knew what was happening was for the best and would soon work out that way. Short days like that she called “Personal Growth Days.”
A few days ago, to see what this really means I looked back on my life and mentally reviewed the painful experiences I had, those that lasted months or even a few years. In the long run, they were all in one way or another positive! I was a bit amazed to note this. I was more amazed to note that had I been able to enjoy her attitude, I would not have had as much pain. She had shared some of those events with me, since our marriage, and in some of those experiences, I had made myself miserable while she enjoyed her life. It was true that in some cases, I was fighting the battle and she was cheering me on but, what if I had expected more positive as she did?
When we learn to roller skate, most of us fall a few times and if we are little people we may cry and feel physically and emotionally hurt by our failures. Eventually, if we persist, we learn to skate and are elated. The pain (sized by our expectations) led to joy.
One of my favorite peaces of classical music is Beethoven’s 5th Symphony. It is a triumphant celebration of mans intellectual achievement and conquest of nature (or so I am told and feel when I listen to it). Each experience in life is not what it is but what we make of it and take of it. My divorce led to my new marriage and my new marriage led to a much more fulfilling life (though not free of pain). Looking back it was the best thing that happened to me. But not on the day, I shut myself in the dark closet, sat in a corner on the floor and cried, wishing I was dead.
Janr
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My biggest trigger song is 10,000 miles by Mary Chapin Carpenter. It reminds me of my mom and I cry every time I hear it, it’s from the movie Fly Away Home. Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar on Me makes me feel 18 whenever I hear it. My current smile song is Taylor Swift’s We are Never Getting Back Together even though it has that evil weeeee part that gets stuck in my head for hours, it still makes me laugh out loud. Great post!
I find that places we have been together are triggers for me.
I completely agree, and unfortunately I need to pass by a few of them everyday I go to and from work!
Very nice and true post !
I just love the song “Some nights” by FUN. I was listening to it when I decided to move on. It makes my heart beast faster and makes me want to change things (in a possitive was).
Reblogged this on Dare. Do. Die..
Goodtimes by Latch Key Kid is my happy song that takes me back to a time i was happy..it was oen song i used to listen to alot during those day… 🙂
Beautiful post. The Power of Music will always see us through. And as a trained hippie counsellor, I agree that a good therapist helps too!
Fantastic post! I’m a huge proponent of healing through the use of music. When I was at rock bottom while going through my divorce my favorite song was Fighter by Gym Class Heroes. When I needed to love on myself, it was I Won’t Give Up by Jason Mraz & I sung it to myself. Now that I’m in a good place, my favorite songs vary but they’re always positive & make me smile.
Fantastic post, it reminds me of Tricia Yearwood’s song “The Song Remembers When”.
In a sad mood, this song makes me happy. In a happy mood, this song makes me even happier:
“What a Wonderful World” cover by Eva Cassidy
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I would definitely go with the A Cappella version of “In Memoriam”, from the movie “Les Choristes” (thie Chorus).
My song, for when I get married one day, is “Here and Now” by Luther. Ever since I was a teenager that song has held such hope for me. I’m working now on NOT giving up hope….
I was lucky with my last relationship as the only “our song”s we had were her U2 tracks and I don’t miss them.
On the other hand I played “Lean On Me” at my mother’s funeral as she lived by it’s sentiment and even now six years later I cannot hear it without a little cry.
From a previous relationship I used to find Percy Sledge’s “When A Man Loves A Woman” and Marvin Gaye’s “I Heard It Through The Grapevine”, two of my all time favourites, hard to hear.
My sister and I listened to Hallelujah over and over and over again. She passed away two years ago after battling abuse and depression for eleven years. i felt so frustrated that I couldn’t help her. The song brings me to tears every time now, but I feel her around me when it is on. i would include this on the playlist because I believe I will see her again someday.
Music is a very powerful vice. I cannot agree with you more. Even during the most trying times of our lives we’ll associate some form of music or song to the moment we were in. You’re 100% right in saying that it can be as discreet as the song on the radio when you get a devastating phone call.
My girlfriend and I share a very strong admiration for Adele and one of the songs that touches our heart that we share is One and Only. It’s a love song pure and simple, and as cheesy as it sounds sometimes I listen to it to say grounded.
All the best,
P
I’m much older than the rest of he commenters, but my wedding song 33 years ago was a song by the band Bread called “Make it with you”. Although we didn’t make it past 11 years, when I hear the song it reminds me of the good times we used to have.
Tale As Old As Time from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. Everytime I hear it, for just a moment, I’m instantly 5 years old again and the world is a happy place and I feel safe. 😀
Disney songs in general take me to that feel good spot. Childhood memories of Disneyland adventures and favorite movies flood my head with happiness! Thanks for sharing!
Dave Matthews Crash. They played the album on a loop at my cousin’s funeral. I both love the album and it’s ruined forever for me.
U2 – Stay. my husband loves U2 and it’s one would he would play over and over again during our weekends together during college.
John Michael Montgomery – I Love the Way you Love Me. It’s our song
(Now this one’s cheesy, but…) Miley Cyrus – The Climb. It makes me feel like going after my dreams!
It’s so odd….I was just planning to make a post about this exact topic! I have so many songs that bring the memories back and no matter how good I’m feeling, one song can completely change it. One song that I love, but simply can’t handle hearing is “Your Song” by Elton John. He always sang it to me while we were laying in bed on lazy Sundays. Breaks my heart to think of those days.
I absolutely LOVE “Your Song,”… I do believe over time we can associate new memories to old treasured songs that might currently have an unwanted bitter feeling. For example: Maybe some new cutie will randomly stand up at karaoke night gaze into your eyes, sing this song to you, and slowly pull you up on stage to dance. Who knows… life is full of surprises if we remain open to whatever possibilities lay ahead.
“Hey Jude” by The Beatles. My Mom used to play the melody on the piano and my Dad would sing it. When my Dad passed away, we were in the car on the way to the graveside service. We turned on the oldies station on the radio. The first song to come on…”Hey Jude”. I think it was him telling us it would be alright. Thinking about it still gets me…but makes me happy. Great post. Thank you.
Personally I believe we walk along side the spiritual world, and I agree that was a message… your father is forever by your side and in your heart. He lives within you!
That is some great insight! Thank you.
My abuse was as a child, but some things still apply I think.
Sad song: “Biggest Part of Me” -David Gates
Happy song: “There will be a day” Chris Tomlin
Kiss From a Rose by Seal…It was special to me and someone I still think fondly of.
I forgot to post my song I’d have to say “Always” by Stevie Wonder.
my life was pretty much attached to songs, since i was a broadcaster in a local radio.
the greatest thing about music is how they can represent your feelings, and capture moments (with someone) of your life 🙂
Warwick Avenue – Duffy. i used to feel very sad whenever i heard it played. But i still play it once or a while and funny how the song feel sad but yet make me stronger cause it reminds me of how miserable my life was, and how it turns out now.
Everybody hurts – REM/The Corrs is one of the song i love to hear whenever i feel a little bit down. Reminds me that it is okay to be sad sometimes. And i’m listening to Move Along – The All American Rejects to boost my mood 🙂
“Everybody Hurts” is an excellent addition to our topic! This song reminds me that I’m not alone, and it’s ok to feel that way once in awhile.
yeah, i feel that sometimes social pressure and culture can affect woman more than it’s affecting man (specially in my country). woman has to able -do and manage- things in one at a time (kids, house, husband) and neglecting their own feelings.. yeahhh.. it’s only natural that we feel down sometimes 😉
“I’m Walking on Sunshine”
Old 80s rock ballets kill me. Listen to them via YouTube is a particularly perfect self-torture I enjoy putting myself through from time to time. God help me if the experience includes a few potent drinks.
Thank you for your courage to share your stories so, hopefully, others can learn from your example. After a sad breakup after 28 years, I still enjoy singing along ‘I’m Already Gone’ by the Eagles. For the new love I found, I enjoy many versions of Jackie Wilson’s ‘Higher and Higher’. And for the memory of dancing with my daughter before she could walk, there is ‘Shining Star’ by The Manhattans, which we danced to at her wedding 22 years later.
Solider of Love by Sade. Her body of music is the soundtrack of my lovelife.
Listening to Damien Rice’s Blowers Daughter 100+ times helped me getting over somebody..Now whenever I hear this song it brings back those memories. Only good ones.
“Don’t Speak” by No Doubt…..OUCH!
Funny, I still get a little twinge when I hear it, but mainly because I can remember the pain I was in during a really bad break up and not because I still feel the pain…not sure if that makes sense.
Your strength and perversance to live your life is amazing. I applaud you and want to say I admire you. I know abuse is horrible and awful. I understand the cycle and have tried desperately to help people I love break that circle of destruction. So please from the deepest part of my heart accept my thanks for living your life out loud. You are making people think and that may save a life.
“India.Arie – Strength Courage & Wisdom lyrics” (you can search YT for that, top result gets it). A song I revisited recently. The lyrics kind of say it all. There are several tunes that hark back to the those years, I am not inclined to listen to them any more, I skip over them when they crop up. I’d rather look forward than backward. Songs like this one encourage me, give me hope, especially at those times when I most need courage and hope (like today).
well, with 3 ex’s, i have quite a list of songs i don’t care to listen to anymore. Two that come to mind are “Gimme One Reason”, by Tracy Chapman and “Wonderful Tonight” by Eric Clapton. but then, there are also plenty i listen to as a result…like “Time for Me to Fly” by REO Speedwagon.
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I’ve nominated your blog for the ‘Blog Of The Year For 2012.’
I choose Christina Aguilera’s “Fighter” and Cher’s “You Haven’t Seen the Last of Me”. After our very bad breakup I couldn’t even listen to music…It seemed like every song had the power to bring tears…It’s been a couple of years now, and I can listen to music again, but some songs will never lose the tie to memories I’d rather not have
I can soooo relate with this. I did something rather different…. I changed my feelings towards such songs, sights, locations and even smells. Yes I said smells 🙂 anything that had a hint of vanilla to it I hated with a passion. My ex’s on again off again gf always wore a body spray that smelt like vanilla. For 2 years when we initially dated, she was always everywhere we were, very weird story. Another area was all of Joe’s songs, same thing with musiqsoulchild, alicia keys and avant’s songs. I always cried each time I heard them songs. He moved on with his life and I realised I was hurting myself for no dang reason. Its not the musicians faults that their lyrics evoke memories for me. I made up my mind right there…..3 years ago that I would not let the memories of him and I haunt me for life and disturb new memories I could build with a future partner.
Right now I can listen to those songs and do without shedding a tear. It ain’t an easy feat, determination and progressive thinking really helps. Sorry this is long, I am long winded and hope you can move on from here…..
I love this post and it is very moving.
I’d have to say my song would have to be:
Some older songs that cheer me up and I raise the volume up very loud are: “Here comes the sun” (Beatles) and “Ain’t no mountain high enough,…” very good by a couple of artists.
Make me smile and give up the blue feelings.
I recently heard Alicia Keys’s “Girl on Fire” and found myself inspired.
Speaking of which, I’ve nominated you for the “Blog on Fire Award.” I love your blog’s message!