At first I was unable to tell my story of domestic violence because I was in SHOCK. I couldn’t believe what was going on around me. I was stuck in that moment of… Did that just happen to me? I was sure I was having a bad nightmare and I would awake at any moment. Then I was in DENIAL. I was in complete disbelief of everything going on around me. How could my husband, the so called man of my dreams abuse me? His angry fists of rage were life threatening and his words cut like a knife, but I was still HOPEFUL. Which is why I still did not speak up at this point. I mean imagine if I told my friends and family the horrible things I was experiencing at home, and then we patched everything up and lived happily ever after. Lastly I was AFRAID of the possible consequences that lay ahead if I spoke up. I was afraid of what he would do to me. I was afraid of what people would think. I was afraid of where I would go or what I would do. I was afraid I would have to follow through with some life changing event, and I wasn’t ready. I was afraid of my unborn child’s fatherless future, and the custody battle that would take place. I was afraid of the possible hardships. I was afraid of the UNKNOWN!
It took me quite sometime before I chose to speak up, and tell those around me what was truly going on at my household. Why I had hung new pictures on the wall, or what really happened to various objects around the house. Why I had become withdrawn, and stopped inviting loved ones over altogether. Bit by bit I was slowly repasting my life back together with each word which rolled off my tongue. I was regaining my voice, and no longer having to hide the secrets buried deep within my bleeding heart. It was beginning to feel good, and I felt a sense of freedom.
I’m not here to judge, nor am I here to encourage anyone to do anything they are not ready to do. Everyone is different, each relationship varies, and domestic violence is different across the board. What may be good for me, could possibly be detrimental for another. Only you know whats right for you!
Since I began blogging a couple months ago I have had a number of readers leave comments sharing their personal stories of struggles and strength at the hands of domestic violence. These men and women inspire me, encourage me, and provide me with strength. They bring me support, and leave me with HOPE for the future! I would like to take this time to graciously thank my friends and followers… It is comforting to know that I am not alone! Together there is STRENGTH IN NUMBERS, and we can help put an end to domestic violence!
That being said… I have created my own personal award that I will be handing out in the near future. I have titled it Prego Project, a voicing violence award presented by myself Prego and the Loon. I am trying to encourage people to speak up, and tell their story. PLEASE help provide strength and courage to those in need including myself. Your stories inspire me, and more importantly let myself and others know that we are not alone. To all those that have already shared bits and pieces of their bitter past THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart… your openness means the world to me, and it will not go overlooked!