Prego and the Loon

What Does the Kool-Aid Guy, Jack Torrance, and My Ex Have in Common?

In Abusive Acts on November 8, 2012 at 5:11 am

Flashbacks… I raced into our bedroom. My Ex trailing close behind. My heart pounding faster with each step. My mind focused purely on the moment at hand, SURVIVAL for myself and my unborn child. I slammed the door seconds from missing his hand, and I was able to lock the door just in time. I sat quivering, afraid to move, and unable to breathe. My Ex was banging on the door trying to get in. I thought I was safe. The door was locked. The pounding continued, and the next portion of my story was truly surreal. Imagine the big red round Kool-Aid guy jumping through my door screaming “Oh yeah.” Now envision Jack Nicholson in Stanley Kubricks movie The Shining breaking down the door with an axe, peaking his head through, and screaming “Here’s Johnny.” My Ex did not have an axe. Nor was he big, red, and round. He was drunk, enraged, and abusive. At that moment a portion of that door came crashing down, and I was trapped.

  1. I am truly sorry that you had to endure such a terrible ordeal and that your baby did as well…

  2. I love the way you tell your story. I hope it helps others to escape from these type of situations. You are brave and I admire not only your writing skills but your courage and bravery.
    alison
    p.s. I didn’t click the like button though I do like how you posted this. I was just worried you might think I liked what happened to you.

    • When I began reading blogs I had a difficult time clicking “like” to stories that brought tears to my eyes. Although over time I have come to realize that the “like” button is like a vote or a chance to be heard. I view the “like” button as a form of support, and encouragement to keep writing. It’s a sign of interest, and a message to the author to keep telling their tale. Thank you for stopping by, and showing your support!

      • Your story its like a drama script……. Unfortunately it was a reality to come true to you… Pregnancy for a woman at least in my point of view, or rather my personal experience its a blessing from the skies. I am only trying to imagine what you and so many other women in the same situations went through… It turns my stomach in… Sometimes I think we shouldn’t have any emotions, but then if you wouldn’t have any, – you most probably would not be able to write about it right now as you wouldn’t be freed ………
        Apart from the physical abuse there is still the psychological abuse. You can heel your wounds but the fear, anxiety, panic, trauma, horror, nightmares I think are the worst…
        Continue writing…..as I can see it helps others and you.
        Some of us still have feelings and we have to fight to defend ourselves, and support each other in any possible way…. Brave you are !!!

      • My pregnancy was the most heart breaking moment of my life! I currently want to pour my heart out on paper, but racing thoughts fill my head while enormous tears fill my eyes and cloud my vision. I feel that lump in my throat, and I’m no longer able to communicate… but know that my little one is a blessing! Thank you for your support it means the world to me!!

      • Kids are the best think which can happen to us. With the unconditional love they look up at us. Enjoy the experience. Don’t let the past to overcloud your present and the future. Right it down, if it helps as I believe time will help to heel, love heels. Good luck !!! Xxx

  3. Horrible stuff. Well-written, but still horrible stuff. So happy you broke free of this maniac.

  4. This is frightening beyond words.

  5. That is horrible you had to deal with that. I am sorry.

  6. Thanks for following my blog. Thank you for sharing your life, GO GIRL!

  7. Wow. Great writing – but as the others said, I’m so sorry this happened to you!

  8. You are a brave woman. Thank you for sharing, truly frightening but I can relate

  9. I admire your courage. Thank you for sharing what must seems like a dark moment of your life, I hope your future and present allow you the time and support to heal. All the best wishes.

  10. Unfortunately I am not as often on this blog as I would like to, and follow with all the people on my follow list. *sigh* I should have known that I am not build to keep up on two blogs lol.
    But I always keep reading your posts even if I haven’t commented so far.
    Have you been able to work through this experience and write about it now. Or is writing now a way to deal with the past?
    Either way, I am a great admirer of your strength,

  11. Nightmarish. It’s hard to know the right thing to say when hearing a terrible act like this, except to say I’m sorry that you, and anyone, ever has to deal with that 😦

  12. I am so very sorry you had to endure something this horrible! Thank you for (so poignantly) sharing your story.

  13. Good morning! Thank you for stopping by my page. I’m sorry about the subject you’re writing about, but I love the way you write. Very descriptive! I haven’t had a chance to read some of your other posts, but I hope I’m correct in assuming that all of this is very past tense and not the present 😦 I can’t wait to read some of your other posts!

  14. I am so sorry to read this. I cannot imagine the fear you must have felt for your child! But at least you made it through a much stronger person, with a beautiful little baby!

  15. i don’t “like” that that this happened, but I like how you write… I can relate to something so scarily similar….. you have given me courage to at least think about writing about my experiences. Sending out mucho mucho love…

  16. Thank you for sharing such a difficult topic. Amazing. Courageous. Strong. So glad you came to my blog so I could see yours.

  17. I hear you. I am sorry this is a part of your story.

  18. sorry that i have to press the like button..im sorry to know you had to go through that… but i also admire how well you’ve written the story

  19. My heart goes out to you. Sending positive energy and support to you and all who have been in similar horrific situations. peace p.s. Thank you for stopping by and supporting.

  20. As always, you have me captivated. And unfortunately, it’s as if I’m reading my own nightmare. Thank you for posting your experience.

  21. Agree with everything everyone else has posted. Also, it takes great strength to share this story of immense pain. I admire you immensely for sharing your light with the world like this.

  22. I hesitated to click the word “like,” but did anyway as a show of support. I “like” what you have to say and how you say it with complete honesty. “I “like” that you’ve made the decision to make your life a better place for you and your child. I “like” that you are sharing something that is personal yet, unfortunately, applies to so many women (and some men). Thank you for sharing and empowering others — I definitely “like” that 🙂

  23. I know your story all to well. I’m so glad you shared it with others.

  24. What happened next

  25. You write so beautifully. It’s as if I’m there with you.

  26. I came across your blog because you liked one of my blog posts where I review novels. I am glad I decided to come over and read some of your stuff.

    You are so brave to write about your experiences the way you do. I come from an abusive family, it goes back for generations, and I know that there are others worse off than me out there, and I did get love from my mother, but I also carry this huge emotional burden around with me. I did not know the way my family was, was not “normal”. I didn’t know how to choose someone that was not abusive, because it was so familiar. Even though my mother left my father, when I was 8, she still struggled in the aftermath of her relationship and also her childhood with her own father. It Is hard when you come from a family where there is abuse. Because you love them, even though they hurt you you still love them, and forgive them. But that sets the pattern for your life. And you always worry that there’s a monster in you too.

    I had an abusive partner before I met my fiancé. Getting over him and away from him was so hard, because I felt I should forgive him over and over, and I felt we were the same.

    Now that I have my happily ever after with a man who treats me like a queen, and a gorgeous son, I find it hard to forget about when I was little. I find it hard to write about the abuse and the violence. I also write a parenting blog, where the main focus is on food and healthy eating, but I have always wanted to write about abuse. But I haven’t been able to bring myself to do it. Maybe I will some day.

  27. I found you because you found me first. I’m so glad I decided to read your blog.

    I was a domestic violence counselor, so your stories conjure up memories of my past clients. Many of them are horrid memories of the things they went through, but many of them are beautiful memories as they began to heal.

    I don’t know if you’ve thought about seeing a mental health therapist, but I can tell you that 99% of my clients said they were so happy they started seeing a counselor because it helped them process the past and present in order to have a better future. If you have any questions, you can email me at hollie.homephilosophy@gmail.com. If you don’t feel comfortable doing so, I understand and certainly hope for beautiful things to occur for you and your son.

  28. Firstly, thank you for the follow: in doing so, you have allowed me to find your blog.
    Awareness for the world’s domestic violence problem is paramount. My sister has experienced the problems you speak of as I’m sure, as have countless and many ‘silent’ others.
    I wish you well…
    Jen

  29. Sounds more like Jack. That’s pretty frightening stuff.

  30. Your honesty…your ability to be honest…is so desirable. And admirable. Write and heal.

  31. I’m sorry for you had to experience such horrible stuff. My heart goes out to you. May God bless you 🙂

  32. This made my heart race. I’m glad you and baby are doing fine.

  33. That is so scary. I am so happy you got out of that relationship. Hang in there.

  34. I asked a good friend only a day ago, a day not unlike today, why she writes? Why not let it go?

    …and when I hear your words somewhere in my childhood over my shoulder I see the broken doors and knives and cigarettes that burn and I know I am so much more. I see the pale blue reminders in my children’s eyes, their eyes are mine, and the angels that fall into the mirror of my waking. We are defined by those moments and the days that we couldn’t escape but remember the days and moments that follow are not.

    “Oh love is strange…” Billy Bragg sang in a voice that only he can, and I found you here, and then, “…she cut her hair and I stopped loving her.”

    Keep writing…

    Taylor

  35. Keep writing lady! You went away for a minute. It hurts to bring up the past, but it hurts even more holding it in. How are you and the baby doing now? If you ever want to chat message me! I’ve become attached to the internet somehow.

  36. Your story is an incredible one! I hope all is well with you and as always than you for sharing your experience.

  37. Dear God, you poor thing. It’s good to know you got out in time. Many don’t. You’re a survivor!

  38. Thank you so sharing this… Stay strong ! 🙂 ❤

  39. At the risk of echoing the other commenters, I too admire your courage and am glad you are safe and sound.

  40. What a horrible experience for you and your family. My sister was in a violent and abusive relationship. She is 8 years now out of the marriage and her children go to him every second week for 5 days. This kills my sister as the courts here with their “no blame policy” where not interested in her side. She never filed a police report, she never went to the hospital. My brave nephew who has just turned 12, just this past week told his father that he will be seeing him on his terms. He will come if he chooses, on the condition that his father behaves. Their father does not hit them, now, but he does emotionally abuse them. He calls my nephew a faggot, looser, tells him he is not interested in what he does, calls him a baby,any other derogatory term he can think of. I am incredibly proud of my sister and my nephew. Thank you for your blog. xx

  41. Oh my goodness. I’m so sad you went through this. I’m glad you found my blog and I’m going to be following yours now. Please, please, please take care of yourself and your baby. Many prayers for you. Sending lots of love your way.

  42. I just want to say how very brave you are, and I think it’s very admirable and important that you write about it. Domestic violence, no doubt, is always swept under the rug in our society. You have the courage to talk about it. ❤

  43. hello Prego, I saw you liked one of my blog and following my posts, I thought I come and drop in a line as well. I saw this post and I must speak my mind. As you know I am and involuntary celibate and unsuccessful with women, and I see the world of relationships very differently. As far as I noticed that men who are abusive, and objectify women and treat them like meat, are the type of men who are typically “successful” with women. In the world of relationships, women choose the men because they possess the qualities you want for them to be the father of your children. In this case, its you who chose your ex into your life.

    you would probably pass the nice guy on and not give them a second glance because nice guys don’t have the masculine aggression your ex has. If more men in history were like the nice guys, the human race would not be here today.

    this is precisely why in a lot of traditional conservative societies, suitors are picked by the girl’s parents, because women by nature, are instinctively attracted to men who are narcissistic, psychopathic, and aggressive. Which is why death row inmates get love letters and nude pictures from women they don’t even know. Nerds in the school of engineering and the hacker’s club don’t

    I hope my comment does not come across as offensive, but I speak out of pure honesty

    • I love honesty… You clearly speak from your heart! Your comment does not offend me because I know who I am, and many reasons why I choose my Ex-husband. I choose my husband because he was funny, and made me laugh like no other. He was intellectually stimulating, and I felt comfortable interacting with him. He was overly romantic, and made me feel like I was living a fairy tale. He was extremely talented, and very creative. We shared many similar interests. Unfortunately I rushed into things before I truly captured the whole picture of the man I married. The dark side that later followed portrayed addiction, violence, a dark past, and possibly some form of mental illness that went undiagnosed (or possibly just unmentioned to me, his WIFE).

      On a different note you mentioned that you yourself are unsuccessful with women, and you proceeded to blame it on their inability to choose a proper mate. Suck it up, be a man, and take matters into your own hands! Confidence is key! Walk into a room like you own the place. Make your lady friend feel beautiful inside and out. Always play nice with others she is watching, and what she doesn’t see she hears through the grapevine. Everyone loves to talk about themselves. Be different, be a good listener while she pours her heart out to you. Lastly, you want to seal the deal with an amazing kiss. These are just a few silly tips from one hopelessly romantic girl that believes her Prince Charming is out there somewhere.

  44. I just wrote you a small book, but my phone reset and I lost it all.

    Just know I believe in you and pray the best for you and your son. Thank you for sharing. Guard your mind. It is the key to your future.

    All my best to you!

    Dr. D

  45. You survived. One day at a time. Believe in yourself and your future….

  46. What you went through was dehumanizing. It was terrible.I am sure you’ve been told that many times.

    I don’t know if you’ve accepted another fact. This isn’t some senseless thing that’s happened. Terrible as it was, it has happened for a reason. You’ve found that reason. By telling your story, you will give hope to many others. Your words will hold the hand of another petrified person trapped in a temporarily bad situation. Your experiences…. this whole aura your blog and the comment here… will show many others that they are not to blame and that they are not alone. Of all the things that help one to survive… and heal one’s wounds… this one thing is the most precious. For us to know we aren’t to blame for another person’s sickness. It liberates… it heals.

    Bless you for being a conduit bringing healing to those who need it. Bless you for your message of hope.

  47. Oh my, I am sorry that you had to go through that. No woman should have to endure such behavior. What make it equally disgusting is he knew you were carrying a child. My heart goes out to you.

  48. I can sense your pain dear, I know after reading some of your posts i had a flashback . And Really you had to go through a lot and shared it on my Google blog, the instances that happened with me everyday though not with such fine language and sentences , the blog post were broken and bad just like my life that time, because of my greedy and abusive ex his mother and his cousins. Anyhow now you and i are past all that and we should live good and deserve a good life. I appreciate Your courage and wish a happy life for you ahead and your child. take care

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