Prego and the Loon

Simple Things, Dreadful Reminders

In Restraining Order on October 24, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Around October or November this unwanted bill addressed to me, but regarding my Ex began showing up in my mailbox. Three temporary restraining orders in hand I marched down to a certain working establishment to clear the air regarding this bill. It was a $25 charge which was billed due to a no show regarding my Ex. Since then I have been receiving a monthly reminder in the mail. They recognize that the bill is obviously his, but choose to send me a reminder since it’s connected to my account. Every bill, every reminder, every letter is a dreadful reminder of what was once a physically and verbally abusive relationship. It is also a reminder of what I wanted, and what had failed! The management team at the working establishment was kind and understanding, and agreed to wipe the charges from my account.

I then proceeded to take my restraining orders to the library. I had been receiving reminders regarding an overdue book. I specifically checked this book out for my Ex on my library card knowing that he would greatly enjoy it. I was right… in fact he enjoyed this book so much he was hoping I’d steal it by “accidentally” losing it. I guess in the end he choose to do so seeing that it hadn’t been returned to its rightful owner. The library was very understanding of my story and wiped the charges from my account. I was very grateful, and proceeded to donate a couple boxes of books in appreciation.

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  1. Thank you for sharing such a genuine post.I have gone through much and the reminders for me are my children. I am grateful for those reminders, I once loved their mother, for there must have been some good once. Kind of like Darth Vader you know there is good in there have faith, hope and believe and one day the mask will come off. Forgiveness is key as is charity and mercy your story and poem share all of those. Thank you for being the change positive and sharing your thoughts. Most important thank you for the reminder. I sometimes forget to thank my former wife for the beautiful lessons learned the love shared and how much I have grown from the whole experience… The good the bad and the very Ugly. Creation at its best!

    • I never regret a day spent with my Ex, for it is he who brought about the most beautiful treasure I could ever dream of… my child! Thanks for reading a bit of my blog, and showing your support!

  2. Ugh – what awful reminders! Glad that the people were so understanding!

    • I truly think the hardest part of an abusive relationship is the aftermath. Flashbacks, reminders, and constant triggers that you had no idea were trapped inside you! Just when you think you’re moving on something pops up… it takes time to heal, and even longer if you’re not working on it!

  3. It is hard sometimes, dealing with companies. It’s much more difficult for them to face you, person to person. Glad you took in your papers and that they helped you out! That’s great cuz you don’t need crappy reminders…

    • I have many crappy reminders, but I try to put a positive twist on things. At some point maybe I will create a list and share with you… of course adding my optimistic viewpoints. I really have only begun to tell tid bits of the story.

  4. A healthy thing, to wipe slates clean of the remnants of your ex. Even if it is done by someone else at your request, there’s a psychological liberation when it happens. One step at a time.

  5. Little things can bring up big feelings and memories. I am glad for the kindness and sensitivity of the workers with whom you spoke. Every time something reminds me of painful times or events, I pray…I “give” those thoughts, images, memories to God. There may never be forgetting, but there can be healing. You remain in my prayers.

    • I don’t personally do this, but I love the idea of a God Box. If you are not familiar with this: Decorate and designate a specific box or jar. Then use it as a place to write down your requests and worries. Close the lid and let your higher power deal with things! I use my journal for this purpose, but some people enjoy the visual.

      • I actually used to do this in college, when I had a room all to myself…each night, I would take out three pieces of paper, and pray for whomever or whatever was on those papers. It would be a great thing to re-start with my kids! Thanks for the reminder!

      • Great idea maybe it would be something fun to do with my little man!

  6. Want to thank you for the follow and Like for Tides! Back at you with the follow!

  7. thank goodness. karma

  8. Glad those people were so understanding and the books you donated was such a nice gesture. Your ability to find the positive is stunning. For me I don’t regret the time I spent with my crazy ex, apart from the happy memories of which there are many, he also tauht me how to be compassionate even when the recipient was, at that time anyway, undeserving, and how to trust my instincts.
    Reminders, well they live within so they never really go away.For me it’s the dreams that freak me out – when the ex turns up in roles linked to my now wonderfully happy life. The subconciouse has a way of leaving you weak and vulnerable … and not a little freaked out!
    But as you do, i try to put a positive spin and once I stop shaking and relaize I am right where I should be, I am grateful all over again. Having a child with the man I love to death and who is just the kind of father a child should have, I am spared so many of your dilemmas. I never thought I’d find the reason behind my baby losses with the ex, but I think the powers that be knew best in that one. You asked in a previous post how best to talk to your little one about the man that should have been Daddy but wasn’t. I’d say maybe you ought to keep exerpts from some of these bogs so that one day, your grown baby can read of your journey and know, when it’s appropriate, just what you went through to be the mother you are. Not a book of malicious evidence like some maligned people choose to weild, just a record of your journey …. perhaps countered with some of the happier things that made you fall for this man who failed you, and is continuing to do so, but who may (we can hope for the sake of your child), turn himself into the man you hoped he’d be. Let’s just pray that isn’t until your baby is over he age of custody battles though … for that I am glad not to feaar and I’d love for you to have that peace of mind too!

    • Reading your comment brought about so many emotions that I am constantly dealing with on an everyday basis. Imagine: what is suppose to be the most beautiful time of your life… newlywed, baby on the way, etc… and these are things that kill me to remember! At some point I will take the time to pour this into a post, until then thanks for your support!

  9. I wanted to come by and say thank you for the follow. Reading your blog brought back memories of a previous life. I can say I was changed profoundly and struggle often because of some things and definitely much better because of others.

  10. First of all, I want to thank you for posting a blog about your situation. It’s crazy how often situations like this happen and not everyone knows how to get out of it. I have been there once before. I was also pregnant with my first child when things went sour & I was abused by my ex. Luckily, I was able to get away and call the cops. I never heard from him again & he has never seen my son. I did find someone who was understanding to my situation and took my son in as if he was his. I married that man.

    • Thank you so much for sharing your story! I like to think that I will never hear from him again, and I love that your words reinforce my hopes and wishes for the future.

  11. I like that you rewarded the library’s forgiveness of the book squirreled away by your ex, and “paid it forward” with your donated books! ~ Kat

  12. Well-written, heartfelt post. Bless you for being so real and sharing your stories with others.

  13. Thanks for liking and following my Blog. You have now broken free and you are the person to control your own life and bring a happier growing up environment for your child. All the best to you as you move on. Your Blog will be so inspirational to others going through similar situations like you.

  14. It sounds like Karma is repaying your patience. Thank you for reminding me that sometimes kindness and patience is the key to dealing with these things. I’m still getting regular bills for my ex. He has so many that he refuses to change his mailing address, and the post office won’t let me do it for him. My mailbox has become a battle zone.

    • It sounds like an excuse to see you on a regular basis. Put his mail in the mailbox, and write on it “Return to sender”, or place it in the trash, LOL. Thanks for swinging by my blog, and showing your support!

  15. So glad they were responsive and got things changed for you! Hang in there.

  16. Stay strong ! God bless you ❀

  17. I was awe struck when I read your story, thank goodness your doing better.. and thank you for sharing your story to us. Bless you

  18. Well written. Much different circumstances, but we have lived the pain of “reminders” while trying to put something behind us. Keep up your writing, and thank you for taking the time to read and like our blog

    • Today my higher power, God, or you fill in the blank delivered a beautiful present… The gift of today. The past is the past, and the future is unknown. Therefore just focus on the gift of today, and throw those reminders in a fire to create a brighter future. Thanks for stopping by my blog, and showing your support!

  19. Thanks for following my photo blog, but here your poem is much more thought provoking. I clicked the like button, because the poem is great and meaningful. BUT this is when I hate the simplicity of the like button. The post is open and true, but obviously painful. There is no “like” in this, but understanding and the sincere hope that things will get better.

    May you be blessed in all you do, and may the memories fade to sweetness, and the pain convert to a lesson learnt at worst.

  20. I talk about my situation with my ex husband and his violence, as well as the death of my daughter on an access visit, to hopefully let others in these situations that there is life after it and that there are no excuses for domestic violence. Thank you for also spreading the word.. If our stories can help one person break the cycle, we’ve made our mark on this world. The best revenge is to be happy.. and I’m finally happy.. I hope you are too.. Cheers Livonne πŸ™‚

    • I’m a bit confused… Was your daughters death the direct result of an abusive act regarding your Ex-Husband? If I’m getting to personal I’m terribly sorry, and of course you don’t need to answer my question. I’m just trying to stay alert for myself, and my son… and of course if that is the case my heart goes out to you!! Big hugs!!

  21. Your courage and dedication to this blog is an inspiration to many people, not only women. I’m sure you have direclty and positively affected many lives and caused others to act on their convictions and values in a way that helps them avoid or cope with others terrible behaviours. Thank you for sharing.

  22. Karma,,,Always goes to where it deserved.

  23. Hi πŸ™‚ I just want to say thank you for following my blog and also for liking my posts. I appreciated it a lot. God bless to you and to your blog.

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