Prego and the Loon

Ripped Out My Heart, and Ate it For Breakfast

In Family on October 15, 2012 at 6:13 am

Ripped Out My Heart, and Ate it For Breakfast

A scene flashes on the television… a woman, a big beautiful diamond ring, and a happy couple. It’s as if someone just took a knife, stabbed me in the heart, ripped it out, and ate it for breakfast while no one was looking. The whole scene sends me straight to tears. I often look back, and wonder what happened to my dream, my happy family, and the man I thought to be so incredibly romantic. At what point did things take a turn for the worst?

  1. hope you start feeling better soon 🙂

  2. I have no idea but on the same page scrabbling looking for answers

  3. He is still out there somewhere. it’s never too late, big hugs. x

  4. Leave the false romance to TV and the movies. Nothing like that is actually real. True love is sacrificing oneself for another- and it doesn’t always look ‘romantic’! Keep faith, you will find it someday 🙂

    • agreed. media makes it look like “true” love is a piece of cake, when really, easy come means easy go. you can never get anything worthy in life without making sacrifices first.

  5. This is a really shitty situation, I hope you find resolution, it’s no fun having these questions hanging over you. I know these words may sound fickle, but please hang in there. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I’m also happy you got away from being another statistic of domestic violence.

  6. You will come through it, but it will always hurt to some extent. I thought I had found the love of my life but I ended up being destroyed by that person… at the minute I have no faith in love but I hope it will come back soon.

    • It takes time to heal a wounded heart. Shower yourself with the love and affection you deserve, and I imagine your prince charming is just songs the corner! Big hugs

  7. Sweetie, I am right there will you all those happy couples, make me what to barf. I just wish they knew what was coming!

    • It’s nice to know I’m not alone! Although even after all I’ve been through I still believe in Prince Charming, and I’m searching for him one frog at a time, lol!

      • I love your blog title and the fact that there is an underlying sense of humor there in spite of the necessary catharsis of putting your experience out there!! I am glad you did as I think it will help other readers. I am not sure how I would have handled things in a similar situation. I’d like to think this well, but in reality don’t know. I am responding to this particular comment because I was heartened to see that you still believe. Because a bad experience shoudn’t have to ruin chances for a different future outcome. You are a good mom!!

        Thanks too for visiting my photo journal, I always appreciate visitors and the chance to share my neck of the woods.

      • Many nights I put my head on my pillow and quietly cried myself to sleep wondering what went wrong, and how I got here… eventually a point comes, and your tired of crying and you want to regain your life and move on. It has taken a long time, but very recently I found myself laughing in light of the situation. I still have things to work on, but don’t we all… Thank you for stopping by, and showing your support!

  8. Sorry to hear this. It will get better eventually. It really will.

  9. I think many of us have been where you are now… Personally, I think I watched Cinderella way too many times…. cuz apparently MY Prince is still wandering in the forrest…. LOST. I have taken the “leap of faith” more than once and I too ignored the Red flags. Time is the great healer, and then getting mad at him might work too. So sorry you’re having to go through this. 😦

    • I love your humorous outlook on life! Thanks for sharing, and I look forward to following your blog!

  10. I’ve been where you are, but on the other side of the aisle, gender-wise. I cannot speak to how you entered into your tragic relationship, but I can say that for me, it was a series of horrible mistakes and assumptions. I was fortunate enough to actually see who she really was inside; I was just too lost and stupid to make a good decision.

    I can say this. Eventually I found release and moved on. After time, i found someone I was meant to be with and whom I’ve created a wonderful new life with. It can be hard to make you way through the darkness that surrounds you and seems to lie before you. My bets advice is to find something independent inside you that relies on no one else’s validation. Find yourself. Then you can find someone who’s worthy of you. Ignore the candy-wrapper fantasies they sell us on TV. Those aren’t real life, They are the combustion of chemicals and emotions, not true love.

    True love is something you build, not something you find. Your lost love -and likely betrayer- was just a brick in the foundation of finding your future love. Just build upon that loss. One day you’ll be looking into the eyes of that one man who’s right for you. Just be patient, aware and determined to make a wise choice. I did and I’ll never let her go.

    • I absolutely LOVE what you said in this comment!! I was having a bit of a BAD day, and this put a smile on my face… Thanks!

  11. Don’t look for the dream, but don’t give it up, let it find you. Heal. Pray. Listen. Follow Through. It CAN be better the 2nd time around, trust me.

  12. Wow! This can be one particular of the most useful blogs We have ever arrive across on this subject. Actually Excellent. I am also an expert in this topic so I can understand your effort.

  13. Once you find happiness within yourself, you will attract happiness from outside yourself as well. It’s crazy how that works….but it does. When you fulfill yourself and make yourself happy without someone, you will attract the kind of person that you want to be with.

  14. I find many reason to thank God for each new day. Most people will only disappoint you and no truer songs were ever written then Hero by Mariah Carey and Whitney’s The Greatest Love of All. Most people have relationships like you did but they try to hide it. Some guys are great, most are not. Most people don’t appreciate the people in their lives until it’s too late, and those are the good relationships. Learn to appreciate the blessed lack of drama and abuse and you will feel blessed.

    • I believe in honesty, sharing, reflecting, learning from, and possibly helping and encouraging others to share their story. I feel that if people sweep things under the rug they are doing a disservice to themselves and society. Each experience makes you the amazing person that you are today, so let that STAR shine!! Thank yo so much for your support, and please continue to spread the love!!

  15. It’s like the wolf in sheep’s clothing. It seems mighty appealing at first, but it takes time for everything to boil to the surface. And then there’s always the hope that things will get better. Having “faith” in humanity sometimes backfires. Which is madness. But there’s nothing to be done other than to try and move on, realize there’s much better (no matter what, from something like this, there is better, even if it means being alone), and don’t look back. I am so sorry about your situation, and I seriously hope you can recover from this and be happy away from this horrible thing.

  16. Hang in there, you. 🙂

  17. Have faith in yourself and God….all will be well……..

  18. Night is darkest just before the dawn: you’ll get there.

  19. Thanks so much for visiting my blog….I’m sorry to read you’re going through such a difficult time….kind of like sliding down razor blades I used to say…ugh…the worst….but the truth is, it does get better….much, much better….build & focus on the many positive things you have, and keep stepping back from ‘it’…..time will be one of your biggest allies :}

    • Funny I actually wanted to name this blog rainbows and razorblades (for its ups and downs), but I discovered the name wasn’t very original. Thank you for stopping by, and showing your support!

  20. I just want to say, this blog and this post is heart-stopping, thought-provoking and so very real it can’t help but move you. And as I struggle to find strong enough words of comfort, I’ll just say this: Look at all the responses above. You’re not alone. You’re cared about. Take care! I hope you will find lots of happiness, you deserve it.
    Thank you for visiting my blog too, much appreciated! 🙂 x

    • Your comment brought tears to my eyes… I have a wonderful support system in reality and growing in cyber space, but I often feel alone raising my child and it breaks my heart that his father (the amazing man I thought I married) is not in the picture. I know that what I am doing is best for myself and my child, but it doesn’t take the pain away. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, and I appreciate your support!!

  21. Although I don’t know your back story yet, I can definitely relate to your emotion in this post and I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. My (ex) boyfriend, who I had known since we were kids, left me at the onset of my pregnancy with Phoebe and my family was less than sympathetic. I wanted to escape the pain through being excited about the impending birth, but I couldn’t enjoy things like pregnancy magazines or books without a mention of the father on nearly every page. Even my (male) Ob/Gyn told me “It’s okay to have sex with your husband” after I explicitly wrote on my chart not to mention the father. Now Phoebe is almost four years old and I resolved to be a kick-ass single mom and write a blog about all the fun things we go out and do. 🙂 Things will get easier.

    • I don’t know which is worst… having to leave the relationship, or watching your partner walk out the door. I am so sorry that you had to go through this, and I hope you are in a better emotional space today! Thank you so much for stopping by, and showing your support! I hope that we continue to connect and swap stories along our journey through life!

      • Thank you, too, and I hope for the same. Swapping stories is such an essential way to share life’s pleasures and cope with its difficulties!

      • The more I interact with others the better I feel in regards to the situation. Why is it that talking about life’s difficulties is extremely therapeutic?

  22. Someone told me in my down days that whatever is meant to be will be, and when it’s not.. well it’s because the world is preparing you for something better. I’m sure I saw a pinterest thing say it better, but I hope you know what I’m trying to say. There was something you needed to learn from this … misadventure, and now your ready for the next chapter of your life.

  23. Don’t you hate remebering that gut wrenching sickening feeling when you were alone again after assuming this would be forever and the panic of starting over again?? I try not to remember too often !!

    • I remember frequent nights being woken up and abused by a drunken jerk (to put it nicely) throughout my pregnancy! I try to put that behind me, and pull something positive from the experience. Thanks for showing your support, and I’m glad that you too are out of a similar situation!!

  24. ohhh, I feel so much in reading your posts. I am wishing you strength, courage and faith as the days go by. The dream is not killed. Hang on and have faith. we’re here!

  25. Hi hon, thanks for visiting my blog and bringing me here. Love can be disappointing but I am still optimistic. My marriage failed too (after 4 children) and life is pretty tough at the moment. I will never give up on love because I know how great it can be. Try to focus on other things. He will come along. Jen xx

  26. Sometimes life takes such turns which we never expect, but it’s better the sooner we accept the reality and move on.

  27. It’s out there your dream just waiting patiently for you to take the time to heal and pick up the pieces. Your dream is waiting for you to be able to remember the rough, tarnished painful past with wisdom and some gratitude. this past is forging you into an even stronger more independent woman. and when the process is over and you are ready your dream will greet you with open arms. Keep up the great work you are doing on yourself, cry, scream yell allow yourself a very occasional pity party for a brief moment, you’re allowed as long as you keep your eye on the prize a happy, healthy, simple life. All my best.

  28. I don’t have any answers; just know you’re not alone.

  29. Hi, thanks for stopping by my blog. I just read through yours, and I’m so sorry you’re going through all this. You’re strong, you’re doing the right thing. Keep that in mind, and things will get better. Be the mistress of your own life and don’t let anyone spoil it for you and your child again. Wishing you all the best!

  30. I am so sorry about what happened to you, but I am very proud that you are speaking out! Keep on writing and be strong! 🙂

  31. Congratulations for getting out of a dangerous and toxic marriage. I have a close friend who has recently left a violent husband and I am so proud of her.

    Blessings ~ Wendy

  32. Thanks for the follow of the hubcityblog! Keep up your great blogging!

  33. Reblogged this on Renato Vasconcellos David and commented:
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  34. It’s very timely for me to read this. A young lady just entered my life who has recently been “rescued” from an abusive situation and is prego AND has a special needs 2 yo. Last week I was able to throw her a shower and we received everything she needs and more. Watching her come out of the fog of abuse is hard… she doesn’t even realize she was abused. I’m thankful you got out before your story became hers. (homeless after being ‘locked away’ for two years…)

    • My infant and I spent an unfortunate amount of time within a shelter getting back on our feet. My blog is still in the beginning phases, and much has gone untold. Within each post I will try to unravel a tale of unfortunate events, and hopefully follow with a positive outlook. Thanks for reading my blog, and providing your support!

  35. Thanks for the like and the follow!

  36. I can completely relate to your reaction of crying when you watch a romantic scene on TV. I am sorry that you have to go through such hard times especially during a time when you need your man the most. But trust me better times are in store for you and you will find yourself smiling once again.
    Thanks for stopping by on my blog and liking the post.

  37. It’s letting go of an old dream, and rebuilding your life based on a new one. I find your blog moving and inspiring, and I hope you find your path to happiness, not the unrealistic-movie-cliche happiness, but real-life-ups-and-downs one.

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