pregoandtheloon

Archive for 2012|Yearly archive page

An Old Playlist Recorded Each Moment

In Self Help on December 22, 2012 at 5:32 am

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You know that moment when that special song comes on the radio and your eyes light up, you turn the music up a little louder, and you enjoy as it takes you to that magical place in time. Suddenly your walking on air as countless memories flood your system. You know the lyrics by heart, and you are singing at the top of your lungs as if you were the only person in the room. If you’re driving along in your car your fingers begin tapping, and you may even start moving your head to the beat. Although if you’re out of the car you are rocking. You have a big smile, and are carelessly dancing around the room. You are happy!

Unfortunately life doesn’t always paint a pretty picture, and sometimes you are reminded of heartbreaking moments. You may want to crawl in bed and pull the covers up over your head. An endless stream of tears may run down your face, and you may choose to cry yourself to sleep that night. If you’re in the car you may choose to change the radio station. In a flash music can trigger an unwanted reaction that you may not be ready for.

When you spend X amount of time with a significant other you typically walk away from the relationship with a handful of songs that have some memory tied to them. Unfortunately even if they were happy memories at the time they may now have a sour feeling attached to them.

My Ex and I have a special song that we called “our” song. We have a song that was playing the moment he asked to marry me. We have songs that were played at our wedding, and others we use to dance to home alone in our family room. We have special playlists we made together, and one specifically for our wedding. His favorite band is glued to my memory bank… as well as a popular movie score artist. Sadly we even have a make up song, and it pulls at my heart-strings every time I quietly listen to the lyrics. Each of these songs trigger a painful story buried deep beneath the surface. We shared a life together, and a playlist that recorded each moment we spent with one another.

A few years have passed, and I am slowly moving on. Many things have helped me through this emotionally draining process. I strongly believe that you should surround yourself with positive energy to create the perfect atmosphere for healing. Exercise to release endorphins, increase energy, elevate your mood, and boost your self-confidence with a fabulous new you. I highly recommend reading in the form of self-help books. Support groups are an excellent source of free therapy and support. In addition they offer a safe place to vent your frustrations with possible needed advice. If you are not interested in pouring your heart out to a group of complete strangers I recommend seeing just one, a therapist. Maintaining balance within your life during these trying times can be very beneficial. For example: work hard, play hard! Small realistic goals can help build a positive self-image, and provide you with a sense of accomplishment. Physical contact in the form of massages and hugs are always a good thing! Finally I believe that giving back is a big bold neon sign that screams your on the road to recovery. Please keep in mind that healing is a process. It takes time and a little bit of work on your part. Although it is well worth the effort when you find the amazing new you still able to enjoy the old playlists.

Please SHARE one sentimental song good or bad that holds some form of value in your heart! Then let’s join forces, and create a new playlist with a positive twist… What song would you put on your happy inspirational playlist, and why?

Self Esteem and DV

In Domestic Violence on December 18, 2012 at 7:14 am

self-esteem

Let’s talk self esteem, and the role it plays in domestic violence. Personally I believe it is one of the top 10 reasons people stay in an abusive relationship. However there has been some dispute, and I am curious how other individuals feel in regards to this topic. I highly agree with what Bennyd10 has stated here, and here alone “I do believe that in an abusive relationship the abuser belittles and demeans the victim and that can create low self esteem.” Although I also think that she fails to recoginze that prior to being in an absive relationship we (the so called victims) were individuals. We stood alone, we acted alone, and yes we even made choices on our own. Typically prior to being in an abusive relationship a vicitim already has low self esteem. The abuser rushes in and sweeps the victim off their feet showering them with love and affection. They tend to be over the top… overly charming, overly romantic, and overly caring in a very obsessive manner. For example I came home from work one day, and walked into a sea of beautifully lit tea candles. My first instinct was Oooo Ahhh WOW how incredibly romantic. I am one LUCKY girl! Although my secondary reaction consisted of racing thoughts that our house was going to catch fire and burn to the ground. I frantically ran around blowing out candles. Point being that the abuser catches us when our self esteem is already at a low, and they know exactly how to wiggle their way into our world.

If you are a victim of domestic violence… please help me wrap my head around this issue, and voice where you stand in regards to this topic!

Prego Project “Like” Support “Reblog”

In Awards on December 12, 2012 at 5:50 am

PregoProjectpresentedbypregoandtheloon

Prego Project is a voicing violence award to provide support and strength to victims of domestic violence and those affected by it. I want to recognize those willing to speak up and discuss personal stories of domestic violence accounts. In an abusive relationship there is often a lot of crazy making, and over time you tend to feel that your voice means very little to the world around you. Sadly there are two things that showered me with a bit of sunshine, and helped me regain my voice… or actually make me feel validated. I say sadly because one was receiving my restraining order against my ex-husband. The second was receiving a certificate stamped and signed by the California State Secretary recognizing my situation and accepting me into the Safe at Home program. For those of you who are not aware the Safe at Home program, is “an address confidentiality program administered by the California Secretary of State’s office that offers victims anonymity and a new start towards a brighter future free from fear. Safe at Home participants can use a free P.O. Box instead of their home address to help them maintain their privacy when receiving first-class mail, opening a bank account, completing a confidential name change, filling out government documents, registering to vote, getting a driver’s license, enrolling a child in school, and more.”

That being said… The purpose of this award is to provide positive feedback and recognition to individuals affected by domestic violence. I want people to understand that their voice matters. Domestic violence is an issue effecting individuals and our community. Every time someone chooses to speak up they are not only helping themselves, but they are also improving the lives of our community. As a community we can incorporate domestic violence education into our regular curriculum within the schooling system… If it is not already in place. We can do ongoing presentations providing awareness on the subject matter. We can ban together to enforce stricter laws in regards to this topic. For example: The victim can’t bail their abuser out of jail. Unfortunately many are guilty of this one, including myself. We could sell products, and have a portion of the proceeds benefit those affected by domestic violence. Together we can make a change for a brighter future!

You know the old saying “A photograph is worth a thousand words?” I tried to put the same thought and consideration into designing my award. I used various shades of purple to symbolize domestic violence awareness. I placed a key within the person because I believe you hold the key to your future. The heart is purposely placed within the key as a symbol of protection and value. Together these symbols create the Prego Project Award. A treasured symbol which will be handed out to strong, beautiful men and women who choose to share their stories of abuse. There is strength in numbers, a sense of support in community, and comfort in knowing that there is hope for the future… remember you hold the key!!

PREGO PROJECT RULES

1. Kindly thank the person who nominated you, and provide a link back to their blog.
2. Attach the Prego Project Award presented by Prego and the Loon to your site.
3. Provide a bit of hope and inspiration for those currently dealing with domestic violence.
4. Nominate some other bloggers whom you feel deserve this award!

MY VERY FIRST NOMINEES FOR THIS AWARD

(The top 10 listed below have discussed domestic violence in their blog)
Purposefully Scarred
Janice Romney
Spiritual Side of Domestic Violence
purplecrazymum’s Blog
Sustainably Single Parenting
Not Your Victim
Anti-Violence Advocate
Lavenderskye ~ Violence = Death
littlesparrow12’s Blog
anewfreelife

(The top 20 listed below have shared personal stories of strength and hope within my blog… A BIG thanks!!)
Paula Marie Mills
Cheko.Ripper
Cranky Giraffe
Kathy’s Blog: Healing from the Loss of a Parent
Ask Tina
Zcreed
My Window
What a Beautiful Mess
Polysyllabic Profundities
Recipehog’s Blog
maitairubysue
Josh James’ Blog
Desert Willow Lane
Wake Up and Unite
Dear Idiopathic Hirsutism: Go. To. Hell.
My Family Bliss
Wild In Virginia
alesiablogs
A Foot in Two Canoes
joeccombs2nd

Please note that I recently changed a small portion of the award. I am no longer calling it the Victims Voice Award, but rather a voicing violence award. I made these changes because many people from various walks of life wrote to me and expressed how domestic violence impacted their lives. The men and women I have choosen to be my first nominees for the Prego Project Award reached out to me in some form and touched my heart. Victims, family members, friends, doctors, nurses, policemen, prosecutors, and even an abuser wrote to me. Please keep in mind that all of your stories have somehow impacted me, and I will continue to pass out more awards. A big thank you to all my friends and followers who took the time to read my blog!! You have provided me (and my followers) with strength, support, and hope for the future by sharing your personal stories!! Everyone has something to share, and somewhere out there someone needs to hear it. Join the fight against domestic violence, and speak out on behalf of the millions who are currently silenced in the clutches of their abuser!!

Prego Project… Voicing Violence Award

In Awards on December 7, 2012 at 6:59 am

PregoProjectpresentedbypregoandtheloon

At first I was unable to tell my story of domestic violence because I was in SHOCK. I couldn’t believe what was going on around me. I was stuck in that moment of… Did that just happen to me? I was sure I was having a bad nightmare and I would awake at any moment. Then I was in DENIAL. I was in complete disbelief of everything going on around me. How could my husband, the so called man of my dreams abuse me? His angry fists of rage were life threatening and his words cut like a knife, but I was still HOPEFUL. Which is why I still did not speak up at this point. I mean imagine if I told my friends and family the horrible things I was experiencing at home, and then we patched everything up and lived happily ever after. Lastly I was AFRAID of the possible consequences that lay ahead if I spoke up. I was afraid of what he would do to me. I was afraid of what people would think. I was afraid of where I would go or what I would do. I was afraid I would have to follow through with some life changing event, and I wasn’t ready. I was afraid of my unborn child’s fatherless future, and the custody battle that would take place. I was afraid of the possible hardships. I was afraid of the UNKNOWN!

It took me quite sometime before I chose to speak up, and tell those around me what was truly going on at my household. Why I had hung new pictures on the wall, or what really happened to various objects around the house. Why I had become withdrawn, and stopped inviting loved ones over altogether. Bit by bit I was slowly repasting my life back together with each word which rolled off my tongue. I was regaining my voice, and no longer having to hide the secrets buried deep within my bleeding heart. It was beginning to feel good, and I felt a sense of freedom.

I’m not here to judge, nor am I here to encourage anyone to do anything they are not ready to do. Everyone is different, each relationship varies, and domestic violence is different across the board. What may be good for me, could possibly be detrimental for another. Only you know whats right for you!

Since I began blogging a couple months ago I have had a number of readers leave comments sharing their personal stories of struggles and strength at the hands of domestic violence. These men and women inspire me, encourage me, and provide me with strength. They bring me support, and leave me with HOPE for the future! I would like to take this time to graciously thank my friends and followers… It is comforting to know that I am not alone! Together there is STRENGTH IN NUMBERS, and we can help put an end to domestic violence!

That being said… I have created my own personal award that I will be handing out in the near future. I have titled it Prego Project, a voicing violence award presented by myself Prego and the Loon. I am trying to encourage people to speak up, and tell their story. PLEASE help provide strength and courage to those in need including myself. Your stories inspire me, and more importantly let myself and others know that we are not alone. To all those that have already shared bits and pieces of their bitter past THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart… your openness means the world to me, and it will not go overlooked!

Reader Appreciation Award

In Awards on November 30, 2012 at 4:50 am

I write to heal the wounds deep within my soul, and I put it out there for the world to read in hopes to provide support to those in need! Slowly over time victims of domestic violence lose their voice. Victims are unable to speak up for fear that they will be beaten or verbally assaulted. Their opinion no longer matters to their significant other. Often victims are unable to share any joy they may experience in life for fear that they will be physically or verbally attacked. As a survivor of domestic violence it is the most amazing feeling to finally speak out, and actually be heard by someone. I want to give a BIG thank you to Mitten’s Kittens Blog this award truly means the world to me in more ways than one! You not only made me one HAPPY lady, but you are also helping to spread awareness regarding one very important topic… THANK YOU!!

The award rules:
1. Link back to the person who nominated you.
2. Attach the icon to your site.
3. Answer the questions.
4. Nominate some other bloggers whom you feel deserve this award!

My Questions:
– Your favorite color? – Blood Red
– Your favorite animal? – My Little Pony and Care Bears
– Your favorite non-alcoholic drink? – Fresh squeezed yumminess or a chocolate shake
– Facebook or Twitter? – Facebook
– Your favorite pattern? – If it’s black and white I’ll LOVE it!
– Do you prefer getting or giving presents? – I LOVE picking out the prefect present for someone
– Your favorite number? – zero or maybe 8 because if you knock it down you have the infinity symbol.
– Your favorite day of the week? – Friday or Saturday, and I’m so happy that they are just around the corner!
– Your favorite flower? – I LOVE the bright beautiful colors of snapdragons and Gerber Daisies.
– What is your passion? – I LOVE to dance!

My wonderful nominees who lure me in with their beautiful way with words and insightful comments:
The Cranky Giraffe
Just Me With…
The Good Greatsby
The Geek Transition:
Project Lola

My questions for you:
– Do you watch television? Television wastes your time and money, but I do enjoy watching a good flick once in awhile.
– Who is your favourite author? If you’re looking for something in regards to domestic violence Lundy Bancroft is amazing!
– Do you like 80′s movies? LOVE… Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Fast Times at Ridgemont High…
– What social issue bothers you? The pure fact that there are social issues… Can’t we all just get along?
– What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten? Dragonflies, live shrimp, Lassie (dog), snake, scorpion soup, chicken feet, duck head…
– How do you like your eggs? Quiche, souffle, or scrambled until I’m absolutely sure that they are DEAD!
– When did you discover blogging? A couple months ago
– Why do like to blog? I love writing, and I enjoy the interaction and rapport with others.

TOP 10 Reasons People Stay in an Abusive Relationship

In Family on November 28, 2012 at 5:57 am

1) Low self-esteem… I presented low self esteem as number one because your fate begins with yourself and how you choose to see yourself. The choices you make, the character you display, and the the path you walk along are all a reflection of how you feel about yourself and what you think you deserve in life. If you want to be happy then take it because it’s yours to have. If you want a loving relationship then start by loving yourself, and the rest will fall into place. Anything you dream of or desire is all within arms reach. Create the reality you deserve!

2) Normality… Upbringing plays a big role in the area of normality. Some people find themselves in an abusive relationship because it is familiar, possibly even somewhat comfortable for them. It tends to mirror the household they might have been raised in. You can’t pick your family, but you can choose the amount of time you wish to spend with them. No one derserves abuse, and you can choose to break the cycle of violence for you and your children.

3) Shelter… If I leave him where will I go?

4) Pride… Some ladies have told me that they remained in an abusive relationship because they did not want to look or feel like a failure. Just remember that if you choose to remain in an abusive relationship the only thing your friends and family will be looking at is a coffin with your name on it!

5) Financial Status… We get married, we merge bank accounts, and now we are financially tied. When money enters the picture anything is possible for better or worse. No financial display of affection is worth putting yourself in a dangerous situation.

6) Family ties… I am a BIG believer in family… family time, family fun, family reunions, and overall family togetherness. On another note I would like to say that I don’t believe in divorce, but sometimes life experiences test your values and your viewpoint on a matter may shift. When children are involved in a domestic violence situation I personally feel it is a no brainer… SAVE the babies!!

7) Denial… Some people are not ready to admit to themselves and those around them the truth or reality of the situation. Once a problem is truly recognized people then feel obligated to follow through, and do something about it. Many people are not ready to move in that direction. In fact they could still be in shock and awe from the overall situation. Domestic violence is a lot to swallow, and it doesn’t just occur over night. Remember victims fell in love with their abuser for a reason.

8) Religion… I am no expert on religion, but many ladies have told me that they stayed in an abusive relationship due to their religion.

9) Love… I fell in LOVE with my Ex husband for many reasons, and it was extremely difficult to walk away. He wasn’t always evil, and still to this day I do believe he’s not all bad. Unfortunately a few wires crossed over time. Hurtful words were expressed, and angry fists of rage displayed on more than one occasion.

10) Fear… Walking away from a man or woman you love or once loved is the hardest thing in the world. Fear of the unknown is even scarier. Many thoughts ran through my head during the process of leaving… Where will I live? What will I do for work? How will I provide for myself and my child? How will I afford daycare? Will I be safe? Will more harm come to me if I leave? How will things play out? Frankly I don’t know the answers to these questions. I do know that if you choose to stay you are enabling your significant other, and I imagine more harm will come to you.

The web we weave…

If you are in an abusive relationship why do you choose to stay? If you ever have been in an abusive relationship, and chose to leave… what was the reasoning? We have choices in this world, and some are easier than others. Whatever your reasons are, and your choices may be… remember that it is you that has to live with your decisions. So choose wisely for yourself and possibly your children… and remember, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.” -Semisonic

TOP 10 List of BIG Thanks

In Life on November 24, 2012 at 5:36 am


(I couldn’t resist posting this e-card, LOL!)

A BIG thanks to…

1) ME, yes ME… because I had the strength and courage to leave an abusive situation for myself and my son.
2) My family and friends… without their love and support I couldn’t have gotten through these past few years.
3) Support groups, and more specifically I’d like to thank Al-Anon and my domestic violence women’s group. They accepted me at my deepest, darkest, and depressing moments. These groups provided love and support. They provided an ear to listen, and hope for a brighter tomorrow.
4) Shelters and homeless programs… I would specifically like to thank one that provided me shelter, and helped me get back on my feet. Unfortunately I don’t want to plaster their name in big lights with fearful thoughts that my abuser might come across this website, put the pieces together, and eventually lead back to me. Places such as these give individuals and families a second chance at a brighter future.
5) Government programs… you never know what cards you might be dealt in the game of life. Sometimes a chain of unfortunate events occur, and you are beyond thankful that these programs exist.
6) Food in my belly… again a BIG thanks to all the programs that help in that area, and provide an extra boost to individuals and families in need.
7) A roof over my head, and affordable housing programs that help provide me with the extra boost I need to create a warm friendly environment for myself and my son.
8) Mother Earth and all her beauty… without her love and affection we could not exist! Therefore tread lightly… reduce, reuse, and recycle!
9) My beautiful baby who provides me with smiles, giggles, and strength to get me through each and everyday.
10) Technology, internet, and all my fabulous followers (friends)… A BIG thanks for listening to my story, and providing your support and suggestions along the way. You truly MEAN THE WORLD to me! I HOPE you will pass along my message in hopes to help someone in need… Thank you

Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award

In Awards on November 21, 2012 at 6:48 am

“They” often say that if you want something you should eat it, think it, and make it happen throughout each waking day. Spread your message to the world around you in hopes that someone may be listening. I want the world to know what it is like to be in an abusive relationship, why it is difficult to get out, the emotional wreckage left behind, and eventually how to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue with grace and beauty… I’m still working on that one, LOL! The more we as a society choose to speak up, the better understanding we’ll have of domestic violence. Which hopefully in turn our education will bring forth a brighter tomorrow with little to ZERO violence.

That being said… I am greatly honored that Seasons of Insanity nominated me for Sisterhood of the World Blogger Award. I’m also excited to hear that he will be publishing the Zombie Journals, and I hope that he will follow up with a post regarding the process of putting things into production… because I too hope to someday publish my work and spread awareness. A BIG thanks, one bear hug, and remember my friendship is just a blog away!!

The rules for receiving this award are as follows.

1. Provide a link and thank the blogger who nominated you for this award.
2. Answer 10 questions.
3. Nominate 10-12 blogs that you find a joy to read.
4. Provide links to these nominated blogs and kindly let the recipients know that they have been nominated.
5. Include the award logo within your blog post.

The Questions to be answered

1. Your favorite color – Purple
2. Your favorite animal – My favorite domesticated animal is a dog. Otherwise I love seeing the big cats at the zoo.
3. Your favorite non-alcoholic drink – Fresh squeezed anything or a chocolate shake
4. Facebook or Twitter – Facebook
5. Your favorite pattern – I love vintage black and white patterns, such as French Toile
6. Do you prefer getting or giving presents? – Both are exciting, especially if you pick the perfect gift for someone else.
7. Your favorite number? – I can’t even pretend to like one individual number.
8. Your favorite day of the week? – Friday or Saturday
9. Your favorite flower? – An enchanted stroll through a Japanese cherry blossom garden.
10. What is your passion? Outdoor activities, creative anything, and yummy asian food!

… and in no specific order the nominees are:

Recipehog’s Blog http://recipehogblog.wordpress.com/
Tina Wiebe Photography http://tinawiebephotography.com/
Paula Mills http://paulamariemills.wordpress.com/
Desire to Dream http://desiretodream.wordpress.com/
Michelle at Play http://michelleatplay.wordpress.com/
Day in the Life… http://kathrynlowe.wordpress.com/
Butter Love Affair http://butterloveaffair.wordpress.com/
Appropriately Frayed http://appropriatelyfrayed.wordpress.com/
The Smithocracy http://smithocracy.com/
Travel.Garden.Eat http://travelgardeneat.com/

Can You Eat Your Way To Happiness?

In Life on November 18, 2012 at 8:13 am

feelings

The fast food drive thru (especially my yummy shake) saved me from myself, and my screaming child who was driving me nuts today. Food is currently my treasured lover, and shopping my new best friend. Alone at night I find that I stuff my face to comfort myself, and I shop to feel beautiful. Lately my self esteem is so low, and my single mommy frustration is sky rocketing. Sporadic uncontrollable tears are dropping like loose time bombs. My heart is like a sinking ship at the thought of happily married couples, beautiful pregnancies, and cheery baby showers. Each is a painful reminder of the past, and the fantasy I envisioned yet never had. It is also a dreadful reminder of an unforeseen future. I don’t see a role model husband (or any for that matter), a father figure for my child, or the family I created in my reality. I feel like I’m stuck in a catch 22… I want to get out and meet some new people, but a babysitter is expensive and I’m broke. In addition to my financial standing I have a difficult time trusting others with my child due to circumstances regarding the abusive Ex. The few times I have escaped for a mommy night out I often end up feeling lost and out of place. I don’t feel like this everyday, but these thoughts constantly run the treadmill through my head. Any thoughts or suggestions on how I can break free from this cycle of emotional eating and shopping?

Inspiring Blogger Award

In Awards on November 15, 2012 at 7:37 am

The leaves were changing colors to various hues of red, orange, and yellow. The air was crisp, and the month was October. It was exactly three years ago that I called the police, packed one single bag for my infant child and I, and escaped the clutches of my ex-husband. Ironically I left during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and strangely I began writing this blog during the month of October. For me this is a form of therapy that helps me share, reflect, and try to put things behind me with the love and support of those around me (including my fabulous blogger friends!!) I also share my personal stories in hopes to educate others on domestic violence, and provide support for those who have survived the wreckage of an abusive relationship. I never imagined that a short month or two later I would be nominated for an Inspiring Blogger Award.

I would like to give a big thank you to Jo and Aaron at http://overtheedgeofthewild.wordpress.com/ Their blog is titled Over The Edge Of The wild, and each post unfolds a chapter of Jo and Aaron’s adventures around the world. I am currently living vicariously through this couple, and I am enjoying every twist and turn they take me on. Thanks again… this nomination means the world to me, and my efforts to fight domestic violence!!

The way the award works is that I now have to provide seven random facts about myself, and then nominate seven other blogs for the award. This first part is all about ME!

1) My fondest childhood memories took place at the wooden park, and catching tadpoles at the nearby creek.
2) I absolutely LOVE Shel Silverstein, and to this day I can still recite his poem Sick.
3) I LOVE animals so much that I decided to keep a mouse in my junior high school locker when my mum said “NO!”
4) Upon first meeting me I may come across as a very shy individual, but out on the dance floor I will prove otherwise.
5) I am a hopeless romantic that still treasures love letters from my high school sweetheart.
6) I have jumped out of a perfectly good airplane, and I would do it again!
7) I HOPE that you will click “Like” and Reblog to help educate others about domestic violence, spread awareness, and provide support!

In no particular order my nominations go to:

1) http://abuseandaddictions.wordpress.com/
2) http://notsosexinthecity.wordpress.com/
3) http://mountaincowardadventures.wordpress.com/
4) http://imnotdepressed.wordpress.com/
5) http://fitbellies.com.au/
6) http://jayjaysfavorites.wordpress.com/
7) http://purposefullyscarred.wordpress.com/

I included one blog for good luck! It appears that Lift Up Your Voice Speak Out is in the beginning phases of production. I wanted to offer my support and personal stories as HOPE for a brighter tomorrow.
*) http://liftupyourvoicespeakout.wordpress.com/

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